Tiger Woods

In a few short weeks, Tiger Woods went from a role model for young boys, to a role model for men.

Just The Facts

  1. Tiger Woods is also known for playing golf.
  2. Golf seems more exciting when Tiger is playing, but it isn't.
  3. Gillette hired Tiger to appear in ads for razors alongside Thierry Henry and Roger Federer. They now hope Roger Federer can at least refrain from doing something retarded.


On December 30 1975, Earl and Tida Woods announced they had a new son - Eldrick Tont Woods. Fortunately they also had the kindness to give him a very cool nickname - Tiger - and that's what he would insist everybody call him.

Earl Woods first put a golf club in Tiger's hands when the child was only two years old. Tiger shot a disapointing round of 89 that day, but Earl didn't give up hope. Instead he began to beat train his son in the hope he might one day be a professional golfer.

Throughout his childhood Tiger amazed people with his prodigical golfing skills and appeared on such shows as 'The Bob Hope Show', 'Golfing World' and 'Hey! Check out my smart-ass kid!'. He won a number of junior championships and amatuer tournaments, and impressed senior players. Jack Nicklaus, who witnessed a young Tiger Woods play the Tag Heuer Cup in Illinois in 1987, was reported as saying: "Holy shit!"

Tiger became a professional golfer in 1996 and made the quickest rise ever to number one golfer in the world. Tiger dominated the game in the early years of the new millenium and soon became the world's highest paid sportsperson. Due to his money-making abilities, his ability to entertain, the way he broke down color boundaries and his unmatched skill, he became one of the most impressive athletes ever to walk the planet.

Then he went and fucked a bunch of sluts.

Have you slept with Tiger Woods?

Due to the large number of women now coming forward to say they have slept with Tiger Woods, we have created this simple form.

Please complete it and one of our journalists will be in contact with you within 10 working days to discuss payment details.

What is your occupation?

Casino waitress
Other kind of waitress
Unemployed waitress
Swedish model born in Stolkholm (Note: If you checked this box we do not want to hear from you.)

What do you think is the occupation of Tiger Woods?

President of the USA
Will Smith

Why did you sleep with Tiger Woods?

He's rich
I'm a slut
All of the above

Where did you make love to Tiger Woods?

His mansion
Unspecified location on PGA Tour
The motion capture room at Electronic Arts

How would you describe his love making?

Great! He was easily the best I had that morning.
Nothing like his name would suggest - he was more like a marmoset.
Would've been better if his wife wasn't breast feeding in the next room.

To prove you really have slept with Tiger Woods, please verify you know the length of his penis.

Under 10''
Over 10''
You can tell that some of his ancestors were from Asia.

Thank you for completing this form. A cheque will be sent shortly.

How can you tell if your golfer husband is cheating on you?

If your golfing husband deviates from the following day plan, there is a high chance he is engaged in another activity.


Note that most golfers are average looking and weird so women do not find them sexually attractive. It is more likely that your husband is at his book club, like he claims.