China, the most ominous of the few remaining "communists" countries. Its endless supply of cheap labor and tolerance for pollution makes it one of the fastest growing economies in the world.

Just The Facts

  1. Home of the popular Mao on Ice exhibit.
  2. Eats most of the World's endangered animals, and is working on endangering more.
  3. 1.3 billion people and one hair color.
  4. Seller of a potent alcohol that combines the powers of Dog, Goat and Bull balls for less than a dollar
  5. Proud owners of Taiwan.

China's Culture

The Chinese are quick to flout their 5,000 years of glorious (debatable) history. Following that to the logical conclusion we should find that China's culture now represents the pinnacle of what the human is artistically capable of.


Beijing Opera is one of the most traditional of the remaining art forms. While tour guides would have you believe its wildly entertaining (after all that's where Jackie Chan learned his moves), most of it consists of watching people discuss things while pacing in circles and discussing ancient Chinese culture, like Star Trek without the lasers.

China's Economy

From the ruins of the Cultural Revolution came the Chinese Economy. It turns out that the only thing that American's fear more than Communism is state run capitalism (If someone could please explain the difference I'd be eternally grateful). After years of claiming that free Capitalism was the end all be all system of business, the US now realizes that government mandates, gigantic monopolies, blatant piracy and slave labor were really the ideas we should have been backing.

"Think Brown" is also the motto for China's development

Business etiquette as you might have guessed is quite different in China. The Chinese businessmen are seen as a highly motivated and cutthroat. The big cities keep a frantic pace similar to New York and London. China's double digit growth has been envied world wide, and it is seen as a path for 3rd world countries to follow out of poverty.

A typical meeting begins with a photo session.

Most businessmen who have tried to find their fortune in China can tell you that the Chinese honestly believe that "Made in China," is synonymous with quality. In another cruel twist Walmart is known for being a high end super-market, Pizza Hut is fine dinning and Chicken feet are a delicacy while bacon is unheard of.

China's Education System

The Chinese Government currently boasts that it has trained nearly 300,000,000 English speakers, meaning that more people speak English in China than in America. The standard for counting an English speaker is equal to the rest of China's quality standards. Essentially anyone who slept through their English classes and can still say "Halllloooooo" is counted.

Future Business tycoons or factory slaves.

A typical class:

Everyone stands, "GOODA MONING TEACHA!"

Teacher opens book and reads an entire chapter aloud while the class sleeps.

Teacher asks random student a question, they read the answer from the book, and the class continues

Teacher tells students they are worthless and lazy. Assigns 50 words for them to copy 50 times.