Slipknot

Formed in 1995 Slipknot are renowned for their ability to dress up in costumes, call out the music industry, and hit stuff all while trying to get taken seriously. They refer to their fans as “maggots”, which is apparently a term of endearment.

Just The Facts

  1. Slipknot hail from Des Moines, Iowa.
  2. This marks the first time anything of worth has come out of Iowa.
  3. Slipknot are generally classified as nu or alternative metal. This is the music industry's way of saying they have no idea what in the shit this is.

The Band

There are 9 members in the band, which means that's 3 grown-assed men walking around with baseball bats on-stage for every JoBro. Until Paul Gray's death in May, 2010, all members were consistent throughout the band's career, unlike a certain Iron Maiden which has had more members than Tiger Woods has had mistresses. Well, almost. Each band member wears the same uniforms on stage, but they all have their own individual masks, and are each assigned a number from 0-8. This is their way of giving each band member their own distinct identity. As writer #478, I agree that this method of individuality is effective; I'm the only 478, as opposed to all you millions of Johns.

Some of the more notable band members include:

Shawn "Clown" Crahan, #6, percussionist

Shawn/Mr. Crahan/Clown/#6/ Kong/BoBo, as Wikipedia likes to call him (the latter being only in private) is the oldest member of Slipknot, and coincidentally, the one with the most stable personal life. Coincidence? We think not. (insert pic, old and/or fat guy w/ hot chick)

Ladies' man.

Clown plays percussion and backup vocals, which means he's kinda like the awesome drummer laying down the bitchin' beat. But just with a smaller kit, and not as bitchin' a beat. And you're laying down the same thing as the other percussionist. Obviously, that's not why he's notable, it's the fact that he walks around stage with a goddamn baseball bat to whack the beer keg that's a part of his drum kit. As one of the biggest guys in the band, we at Cracked have put 2 and 2 together and drawn the obvious conclusion: He is the offspring of the Bear Jew. Ol' Papa Donowitz must be more than a bit disappointed that his kid's gone the route of the pussy musician, rather than beating in some jihadists' heads or something.

Corey Taylor, #8, vocals

Corey Taylor is the main vocalist of Slipknot. That in and of itself doesn't really mean much, seeing as he's also the main vocalist for about 10 other bands, not including guest performances, but Slipknot has been his main project of the past decade. We guess you could say he puts his mouth to work and reels in the money. Speaking of which, a nickname of Corey's is the Great Big Mouth. No news yet as to whether or not any female relatives of his shares it.

Pictured: Great Big Mouth

Corey Taylor is known for his great diversity in his vocals, which includes screaming, growling, panting, panted-growls, panted-screams, screamed-growls, growled-screams, shouting, and panted-shouting. He has also been known on occasion to sing.

Paul Gray, #2, bass

Paul Gray has the unfortunate distinction of being the only member of Slipknot considered to be too awesome for life, and is deceased as of May this year. Whether or not this is a result of everything on hell, heaven, and earth hazing or generally screwing around with bass players is unknown; however he is presumably still rockin' on up above, using his brown-note-causing-bass to make the earth shit out more oil in the gulf or something and laughing at our mortal plight. Apparently, he tried out for bass even though he'd never played one before; he just kinda bullshitted it using his guitar experience and managed to get in.

And the other guys:

Sid, #0, turntablist/keyboardist - this guy is the youngest of the nine (eight), at the blossoming fresh-out-of-puberty age of 32. Has the awesomest mask evar.

Joey Jordison, #1, drums - continuing with Wikipedia's chain of claiming really retarded nicknames, apparently Joey Jordison is also known by "superball". The fact that that's not in the plural raises some questions. His drumming style is very similar to that of Slayer's Dave Lombardo which consists of drumming randomly at high speed and then raking in millions. Also like this guy, but with a better costume, and more money.

Chris Fehn, #3, other percussionist/other-other-drummer - okay, seriously, what the shit Wikipedia. "Mr. Picklenose"? Anyway, this guy's the other percussionist of Slipknot; or you could refer to him as the other-other drummer. His mask has stayed more or less consistent through the ages and consists of a 6 inch dick-like nose; insert overcompensation joke here.

Jim Root, #4, guitar - Jimmy Neutron here is one of 2 guitarists of Slipknot. Not much to say about that. His mask kinda-sorta looks like the ones in KISS, but whatever.

Craig Jones, #5, samples - this is the one that takes the whole mask shit a bit seriously; in 10 years of Slipknot he's only appeared without a mask/blurred out face/distorted voice once. Then again, being the sampler, that probably means he presses one button to add an effect every few songs, so it's probably understandable that he hates life when even the other-other-drummer gets to do more shit than him.

Mick Thompson, #7, guitar - on first glance at his Wikipedia page, it would appear that wiki's stopped trying to fuck with us with retarded nicknames. Until we saw that it says he's apparently African American. Whatever, screw you Wikipedia.

Clearly straight from the hood.

The Music

Slipknot's music is generally pretty batshit insane, and that's about as accurate and concise a summation as there is about their music. Due to their having 3 drummers (or 1 drummer and 2 percussionists, if that's more politically correct or whatever), it is loud and heavy as hell, and their lyrics consist of choosing a random topic, and then trying to fill up 3-5 minutes' time by explicitly describing how the band hates it in various ways, and how it would fuck it, and fuck everything it represents, and fuck just the whole world in general. No, really, some Slipknot songs utter "fuck" more times than some hardcore porn movies. Due to their lack of guitar solos until later albums, many a metalhead purist has claimed that Slipknot is not metal. However, we at Cracked would argue that you don't need guitar solos to be accused of Satanism, corruption of youth, inspiring graverobbing and/or murder, as real good metal is, and since Slipknot have been accused of all of the above, we would say that they are most decidedly metal.

Self-titled album

Slipknot's debut was a huge success, selling millions of records. In fact, it was their best selling album of all time and was their record label Roadrunner's (now an established label for metal bands) first platinum record.

In terms of genre, it's got a bit of everything, including some rapping and DJ effects, and, according to many critics, is known for its heavy percussive sound. Slipknot members have stated that they drew from influences ranging from death metal, alt metal, heavy metal, thrash, and rap metal, which basically means just about everything in metal. While this is all very admirable and all, what in the shit is with their album titles? As we'll see later on, it's pretty clear that Slipknot have the shittiest possible album title names, and it begins by not thinking up of one at all, on their self-titled one. At this point, Slipknot are playing in clubs and gaining more worldwide notice; their costuming consists of the red coveralls featured on the album cover as well as the first incarnations of their current masks.

Iowa

See what we mean about the album names? We imagine the choosing of it went like this
"Alright guys, this shit ships out tomorrow, what're we going to call it?"

"Let's just name it after ourselves."

"We did that last time."

"..."

"Fuck it, let's just name it after our state."

It gets worse later on. Music-wise, on this album Slipknot primarily expanded upon their previous album's styles and just made their heavy stuff...heavier. This is pretty well reflected in their song names; whereas before they just kinda beat around the bush a bit with names like "(sic)" or "Wait and Bleed" that just kinda implied they'd totally shitkick you, on Iowa they just went all out with "People=Shit" or "The Heretic Anthem". So, a bit more open about that kinda thing.

Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses)

Like we told you, the album names could do with more than a bit of an improvement. Having no history of coming up with actual album names, Slipknot were now out of options. They already used their own name, and their home state's name. They could hardly use "Des Moines" as a title, cause nobody's actually heard of that, and besides, when the Chinese get their hands on it and make fake copies, you can be sure that some genius will typo it into "Des Loines".

Goddamn Pirate Bay.

So, they went in another direction: stating the obvious. No longer were they going to name their albums after the most unoriginal shit ever; now they'll just call their 3rd album...Volume 3. Anyway, that aside, this time around they went for a bit of a change: instead of outright scaring the living shit out of parents everywhere directly by going loud, they introduced slower, acoustic songs. This was not a typical metal band pussifying their music to get more mainstream attention, however. These songs are still scary as shit and are probably intended to creep people out to the point of autodefecation, as opposed to bashing their skulls in.

All Hope is Gone

And...not even a chapter four. Apparently, Slipknot couldn't think of that, and just decided to throw what's on their mind out to the wind: All Hope is Gone (of an original album name). Ahh, we see what they did there; the "subliminal verse" must've been a hint at that stuff in the brackets. Maybe they're cleverer than we gave them credit for. Anyways, All Hope is Gone is to Vol. 3 as Iowa was to Slipknot, a bit of an extension of their evolved sound - their songs are now creepier, harder-hitting, and now sorta-kinda reference politics here and there, and how'd they'd like to fuck em. As opposed to random stuff. It should be noted that by this point, their costumes and masks have developed into black uniforms that look kinda like suits, as opposed to the red KKK things they started out with; this gives them a bit of a more sophisticated look while maintaining their trademark masks.

Pictured: Staying classy.

Live Album

In 2005, Slipknot released a live album; there's not much to say about it besides it selling copies out the ass. The album consisted of 50% songs and 50% Corey Taylor ranting about how, at some point in time, some people in the music industry wrote off Slipknot and said they'd be nothing. And then bragging about how they got rich and sold millions of albums, and thus are clearly not nothings.

Awards

In all of their albums, Slipknot've had at least one song nominated for some award or another. However, they consistently lost on every nomination until they happened to win a Grammy for a single off of Vol. 3. Unfortunately, on their next album, they lost on another nomination for their single Psychosocial, and lost out to Linkin Park's Shadow of the Day. Yes, one of the heaviest bands in metal lost to fucking Linkin Park.