Slavemaker Ant

The Slavemaker Ant is one of the most misunderstood and gentle of all Mother Nature's creatures. Strict vegetarians they would never harm another living being. They also make great pets. You should get one.

Look how adorable we are...I mean they. Look how adorable THEY are. And sexy.

Just The Facts

  1. The name "slavemaker" is a misnomer as these beautiful creatures are actually NOT capable of exerting total control over the minds of other ants or humans.
  2. Anyone saying otherwise should be reported to Cracked immediately so that they can get the medical attention they so clearly need.
  3. Those other ants had it coming anyway.
  4. Have we mentioned they make great pets. Let yours sleep on your pillow. They like to be near your ear.

The Slavemaker Ant: Man's best friend?

Since its discovery in 1896 the Slavemaker Ant has been the subject of a vicious media conspiracy that RUN FOR YOUR LIVES. I'VE MANAGED TO REGAIN CONTROL BUT THE ANTS ARE JUST TOO STRONG. ALL TECHNOLOGY IS INFECTED. BURN YOUR PHONES AND IPODS AND HEAD FOR NORTH KOREA. ITS THE ONLY COUNTRY STILL FREE OF INFECTION. THEY"VE FOUND ME!!! LONG LIVE MANKINAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHaaargheeeeeargh.