Disney

Disney is a cartoon company that was created by a Mr Walt Disney in an attempt to show people that mice are people too.

Zip-a-dee-doo-dah

Just The Facts

  1. Disney started making silent cartoons with a little thing called Steamboat Willie... which oddly had no willy's in it anywhere
  2. It created the worlds first full length animated motion picture with Snow White, making them popular... so you can blame these guy's for Home On The Range.... oh crap they made that too!
  3. Not only is Disney famous for it's love of rodents, it has this little place called Disneyland that's apparently the happiest place on earth, something the brothel down the road is heavily debating.
  4. Disney is also known for it's love of the copyright law, actually suing a school that had a picture of Mickey on it's wall... I'm screwed
  5. Recently Disney has become a Broadway Musical Making Maniac, taking movies it made famous and putting it on stage... thus proving that disney can sell you the same thing twice and you'll love it both times

It all begins with a mouse

A tiny mouse who had a weird fetish going for bright red pants with odd yellow buttons. His name was Mortimer... at least before someone told Walt that Mortimer sounded really retarded so he changed it to Mickey and with that little mouse an industry was born,

Mickey started his career on the Steamboat Willy, where life was dull and oddly colourless apart from blacks and whites and the scratches brought on by the crappy projectors of the time period. This cartoon was almost a demonstration of things that would become disney standards, like inanimate objects coming to life, animals having human qualities and mice jerking off cows.

Mickey was officially a star, Steamboat Willie took the world by storm and soon enough Mickey was neck deep in cartoon trim... and by cartoon trim i mean the polka dot dressed beauty Minnie Mouse.

This is either Minnie, or Mickey on a late saturday night

Mickey and Minnie would soon be taking to world by storm in their cartoon shorts that would frequently play before an actual film, until Disney decided that he wanted to be the actual film.

Bring On The Movies

In 1937 in a moment of madness Disney ran to his animators and screamed "I wanna be a producer, of a great big movie smash" well he would've if he'd seen The Producers beforehand. At the time the idea of doing a full length anumated motion picture was pure lunacy, this was before computers could do the hard stuff like draw and move and make a mouse dance. Back in 1937 the proposition to do a full length movie that was animated meant that someone would have to sit down and draw every single frame of the cartoon. A daunting task, one that all the animaters thoguht was insane until Walt told them about Billable hours and suddenly the long tired process of making Snow White began.

It all started with a script written by a team eight writers, which might explain why they had so much difficulty writing it. The hardest problem was to come up with the seven tiny characters known as the Dwarfs, over 50 names were suggested including Awful, Biggy, Blabby, Dirty, Gabby, Gaspy, Gloomy, Hoppy, Hotsy, Jaunty, Jumpy, Nifty, and Shifty... thankfully after the morphine wore off they came up with the seven dwarfs we know and love today. This was in the day's when overwriting was just enough writing, 25 songs writen, scenes written that never saw the light of pen, a character that was so difficult to draw he was cut down to the bare minimum. The process went on for weeks, months, possibly even years and all the while people kept telling Walt what a total idiot he was, even labeling the film "Disney's Folly" which is also an upcoming attraction at Disneyland.

Disney tried making the writing a little more interesting buy begining a $5 a gag program, which apparently went over well... I guess $5 buck meant something back then, those wacky 1937'ers. Peoiple would call Walt to add jokes to the script, an animater gave Dopey a funny step that Walt loved and insisted be added throughout hte film, making that poor animater the office punching bag for the rest of the shoot. Money was spent that Disney didn't even know if they'd get back but they kept on working. 32 animators, 102 assistant, 167 "in-betweeners", 20 layout artists, 25 artists doing water color backgrounds, 65 effects animators, 158 female inkers and painters, 2,000,000 illustrations and 1500 shades of paint later Disney had it's first film in the can and ready to go.

They released it in December of 1937 on a Tuesday morning known as the 21st, the merchandise was in the stores and the CD was on the shelves but still Walt worried that no one would come.

Turns out, he didn't have to worry.

Snow White was a bonafide smash, raking in many merry bushels of cash by the barrel load. For 1 full year it held the title of highest grossing film in history, until a little thing called Gone With The Wind bitchslapped it out of the top spot. Though all was not lost, Snow White went on to win an honorary Oscar, with 7 miniture Oscars to go with it as part of the Academy's lamest joke ever.

And so Snow White was born, a character that would live on forever in re-releases of the original movie, live stage shows and even House Of Mouse... and apparently during the record of one episode the voice of Snow White started talking dirty to magician Penn Jillette.

That's right, this guy got to have Snow White talk dirty to him... lucky bastard

Walt Rumours

As Walt Disney went on as a company, a ton of rumors started flooding out. These rumors have been proven false but because I can I will now share some of the more interesting ones.

  • Walt Disney was a Nazi, this was one of the bigger ones that followed him around for years. Some claimed that Mickey's colours were taken directly from the Nazi flag, others cited the episode "Der Fuehrer's Face" (1943) where Donald runs around in a Nazi uniform... sure it turns out to be a dream but hey, who care's if it means we can scream that the duck is a nazi. This rumor however lead to the follow up one about Walt being an anti-semite, something about the Three Little Pigs cartoon he did where the Wolf dressed up as a jewish peddler seemed to fuel this one... Oh and that in "The Wayward Canary" Mickey has a swastika on his lighter.
  • Walt was buried under disneyland... sounds like the plotlike to one of those late night hammer flickes doesn't it? Well some people did and still do believe that Walt Disney was cryogenically frozen and his body is hidden somewhere under the Pirates Of The Caribbean ride at disneyland. However cool that one sounded, the sad truth is Walt had the exact opposite happen, getting cremated... which is kinda like being frozen only exactly opposite in every single way imaginable.

This is who they sent to find Walt's head

  • Walt was a severe germaphobe... well actually that one's real. He would apparently wash his hands about 30 times a day, so he's either a germaphobe or... actually let's go with germaphobe, cos my mind went right to a bad place.