The Douchebag : A National Geographic Special

Douchebag is a commonly thrown-around term these days. Some uses of the term are in vain, because Douchebags are a real species with unique characteristics. About one percent of men aged 16-24 are, in fact, douchebags. This (rejected) National Geographic article will explain to you all you need to know about the North American Douchebag, and why they should be made fun of (from afar, because they can probably kick your ass).

The typical douchebag can have his appearance described by at least one of the following points:

• Muscle-Bound, most likely as a result of excessive steroid use.
• Wears clothing from stores such as American Eagle, Hollister, Lacoste, Abercrombie & Fitch, etc.

• Wears polo shirts (often light pink) with the collar 'popped'(a douchebag-originated term for collars that have been turned up).
• Wears hats, but never wears them properly.
• Drives a Hummer or Jeep

The Douchebag acts in a variety of predictable ways, including:

• Uses terms like 'bro' to refer to male friends (who are most likely also Douchebags)
• Thinks Dane Cook is hilarious.

• Looks for excuses to go shirtless, and flexes muscles whenever shirtless
• Attention-Seeking personality
• Attends beer-related parties almost weekly
• Bonus points if they play Call of Duty 4!

A prime example of douchebag dialect:

"Yo, bro, Troy's parents are out of town and we're throwing down a sick kegger!"

Douchebags are indeed a growing population, but something must be done to destroy them. We can't commit genocide, but the next best thing we can do is cut them off. Prevent new douchebags from forming.

Friends don't let friends become Douchebags!