Badasses

This is an ode to badasses. From the inventor of fire to Batman to Chuck Norris, we're talking about real men who kick ass and cure cancer. Or would cure cancer if they didn't think that anyone who can't kill their own cancer doesn't deserve to live.

I'm talking about guys like this

Who do this

To guys like this

Just The Facts

  1. You are not a badass
  2. Neither is your dad
  3. Or your mom. (But she's probably fucking a badass while your dad is gone on business trips)

Definition

The incredibly credible and accurate Wiktionary defines a badass as "A mean or belligerent person." That's because the author of Wiktionary is a pussy who has been beat up every single day of his life by the various badasses of his schools and his work.

In truth a badass is any man who defies death while eating rocks and shitting lightning bolts. The kind of man who defines all categorization and exists only as an icon off awesomeness. Chuck Norris. Jack Bauer. Samuel L. Jackson. Teddy Roosevelt. We don't give them classifications, we just say "Yes sir," and pray to God we don't get the shit kicked out of us.

But we know these prayers are vain since an all knowing God knows who he shouldn't fucking mess with. Which is why Samuel L. Jackson is allowed to re-write the Bible however he pleases. (Ezekiel 25:17)