Vodka

Vodka isn't for drinking anymore!!... Well... it still is, but there are a lot of useful things you can do with the most pure of spirits.

Diva Vodka and surprisingly hails from Scotland: Ranges from $70.00 and $1,060,000 USD, depending on how much bling your bottle possesses.

Just The Facts

  1. Vodka is from Russia
  2. Vdokagetssyiu Drukn!!
  3. Aparently it cleans things.. I guess..

Content!!!

So after a week-long binge at my Grandparents house in Florida, Involving russian Mail-order brides, baked goods, and an Alfred Hitchcock impersonator. I realized the crib was a mess. Also, after hours of searching I found absolutely no cleaning products in the house!( Aparently my grandparents are dirty hippies).

Alas, while looking for cleaning products I found a case of Russian Stolichnaya Elit, in my Grandmas closet. Then remembering a discovery channel double feature of Vodka and Ronnie Hawkins. I began going to work writing some southern rock scores. Then, after that I began cleaning the house, with..yes... vodka!!

This is just some of the things I managed to do:

Remove Stains

So seeing that the carpet was rifled with stains, including the puke from that bitch that thought she could beat me at shot for shot.(Auntie Suse). I cleaned that shit up in moments using my secret magic wonderful concoction (sold: for 9.99 a bottle).


But HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK FOR SUCH A CHEAP PRICE !?

Get a spray bottle and spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.

Great Night: Not so great morning..

Remove Cigarette Smoke

Now That all those stains are out of the House I needed to get out that smell from the cigars I had. So while smoking on my favourite Monte Crisco. I cleaned out the smell using... vodka!!

How?:

To remove cigarette smoke in your home or office mix one part vodka and three parts water and spray the clothing, then launder and let dry.

Remove jellyfish Stings

Apparently for some absolutely funny reason.. ( I can't figure out how I could incorporate this into a house party). I got a jellyfish sting this weekend, alas it was no problem for vodka.

Yea so you got drunk again?

Nope I poured (wasted) vodka on my leg to alleviate the sting.

Clean Yourself up!!

After cleaning the house, I realized I had to do some work on myself before my Grandparents got back from there bridge, uker, shuffleboard, convention in Ohio. So I removed all my dandruff, clean my face, and give me silky smooth hair.

You can't do that with vodka your dirty liar!!

Ah, but I can!

WTF HOW!

Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.

To treat dandruff, mix one cup vodka with two teaspoons crushed rosemary, let sit for two days, strain through a coffee filter and massage into your scalp and let dry.