Megadeth

IN THE BEGINNING

James's garage

There was a band called Metallica. Once, in their garage evil secret lair, the band was hanging out and plotting their assault on the metal scene. Dave Mustaine, then their insanely metal lead guitarist had his also insanely metal leg peed upon by Lars Ulrich's dog. Dave then in turn kicked the dog. James Hetfield's mom then kicked Dave out. Before the sugar cookies were done cooling. Now most people would have waited for the cookies to cool and decorated them anyway, but Dave had more important, more politically charged dreams to achieve.

So Dave, went down to the nearest nuclear waste containment facility to find some new bandmembers. He repeated this tecnique many times, striving for the best combination of mutantcy for metal, but eventually gave up and took a more normal approach. He then hired the person who could either die earliest(drummer Gar Samuelson) or steal the most of his things to sell for drug money(Chris Poland). This gave Dave the musical talent he was looking for, and although the lineup has changed an awful lot since Megadeth's inception, the musical quality has been mostly epic.

The hippie-market specific album cover

Children, there comes a time when one discovers a state of zen. A state of serenity unparalelled by any other imaginable. Rust In Peace is not this state, but it sure is a kick-ass metal album.

Rust in Peace is one of those albums where, when you put it in the CD player, the CD player is too busy making sweet orgasmic love to the disc to play it. While that can be a problem, many have found the easiest way to get high off of it is to lick it and then stick it to your back. This way the essential oils of the music can sink deep in to your pores, exfoliating and cleansing as they enter. The album is considered the crowning jewel of the metal industry, and is unmatched by any other piece of culture ever produced. ever. The reason for this beauty and super smooth facial skin is that the man who played lead guitar on this album had the poofiest hair in thrash. This man was Marty Friedman. Unfortunately, Marty was unable to replicate this on later albums, and now practices Ho-Mo, the ancient Japanese art of kimono-folding.

Ladies and gentlemen, please remove all chapeauxs and please proceed to the cone of solemness. Risk was a dark time indeed for Megadeth, a time that was led astray, thrown from a moving train and crushed to bits by a charging herd of bison. In fact, Risk was such a serious mistake that even Oxy-Clean cannot remove its tarnish from the history of this band.

The album cover

This time was so tough that Marty left the band crying and soon after was found living in Japan, in an apparent career-icide.

Today, Megadeth is a booming industry, with many band's trying to copy them, as well as many UN officials trying to bring them down in supposed libel suits. Nowaday's, Dave Mustaine can be found releasing a new ablum called Endgame. This album, primarily about President Bush's Hitler obsession, is expected to debut on Sept. 15 2009.

Megadeth, also proprietors of what once was one of the interweb's more tolerable forums, has now killed its 'off-topic' board known as Total Anarchy. This type of fascism is ironically what Mustaine sang against on Endgame.