True Blood

True Blood is a TV show about vampires living among us, and it's produced by HBO. True Blood offers to save the vampire legend from the ball-shrinking phenomenon known as Twilight, which just fucks all the rules to vampirism as we know them.

Just The Facts

  1. True Blood is based on a series of novels written by Charmaine Harris. If you think that's sissy, remember that "Death Wish" was also adapted from a book.
  2. The series takes place in a 'parallel universe', meaning that it takes place during our time but a different reality exists. Just like an acid trip.
  3. The vampires in this series all have normal names, like Bill and Eric. Fuck yeah! No more sissy name shit.

Why True Blood Will Save Vampires From Becoming Even More Pansified

There's a lot of great vampire movies out there, most notably "The Lost Boys" and "John Carpenter's Vampires". However, vampires have had to deal with their badassery being girlified by retarded books turned into movies ("Twilight") and great books that were turned into pieces of shit movies (the whole Anne Rice vampire series).

Vampires on TV have not fared much better. The only quasi-memorable vampires you saw on TV shows were Barnabas from "Dark Shadows" and Count Chocula. Great stuff, but nothing with staying power.

Leave it to premium cable TV to the rescue. Anyone rich enough to subscribe to HBO can watch True Blood, a series about vampires and other supernatural beings, that are true to what vampires are supposed to be. Yes, there's the whole "I may not be human but I still have my humanity" element to the show, but it's just one of many undertones that is often lost in the blood, gore, evil, and ass-kicking goodness of the vampires' actions. It's fun to watch what they do, and that's the whole damn point of watching anything with vampires in it. Vampires aren't supposed to be emo/goth hybrids pining away about life, death, and God; they're supposed to be out killing and being powerful dicks because they can. Wouldn't you?

If True Blood manages to reach more people than just Bill Gates, Donald Trump, and anyone else wealthy enough to legitimately pay for HBO, there's a slightly-better-than-a-snowball's-chance in hell that Hollywood will take notice, and the pansification of vampires will be curbed. Who knows, maybe even when they're making the 20th Twilight movie, Edward might get badass and finally kiss that dude he claims is his "brother". Gasp.