Spartans

Spartans, the warriors which make invaders shit their pants in fear. Popularized by Hollywood and demonized by who had their asses kicked by them. Spartans were known as some as the greatest warriors of their time.

Holy Fuck, Spartan. A sexy 12/10

Get the fuck out of my Sparta.

Just The Facts

  1. At the Festival of the Cleaver, the Spartans used to nail sausages to the wall for the older men to gnaw on.
  2. Spartans were able to focus on war because they had slaves to take care of all the important stuff like cooking, cleaning and so on.
  3. Spartan men had to live in barracks together untill they were 30, even if they were married.

Why They Kicked So Much Ass.

The Spartans developed a combat formation known as phalanx, Greek for the word finger. It was a rectangular formation which would charge straight through enemy formations. So basically they were a giant middle finger which would drive straight up you and your comrades. This was possibly one of the greatest metaphorical "Fuck You's" in history.

Why Child Services Should Have Been Informed

The Spartans were pretty much a nation of warlords so they had no time for the arts, sciences and weak looking children. That's right; if a male child looked weak from birth they would discard him like a used Condom. For those who did survive they begun their military training at the age 7. They were regularly shit kicked and malnourished. The food supplies were rationed to encourage the children to steal like a god damn kleptomaniac ninja. Those who were caught were punished not for stealing, but for not being a god damn ninja.