Obi Wan Kenobi

One of the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy can't fight for shit. When it comes to getting by incompetent guards Ol' Ben's the man for the job, but put him in a saber duel and he'll either be tossed away like a doll or kill you with a sucker punch.

He'll give you all the sage advice you need, just don't expect him to watch your back in a fight.
He'll give you all the sage advice you need, just don't expect him to watch your back in a fight.
Sith Lords are our
Sith Lords are our "speciality."
Fuck up your pupil I think you will.
Fuck up your pupil I think you will.

Just The Facts

  1. Obi Wan was peer pressured into teaching Anakin Skywalker before he was ready. Resulting in some crappy teaching leading to the rule of the Empire. Thanks Ben.
  2. He's awesome at Jedi mind tricks, thats probably how he got Luke to go along with him. Hell, he probably killed Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.
  3. He's gone senile by episode 4. He can't remember the two gay droids who followed him throughout an entire military campaign.

Worthless in a fight.

Let's look at every encounter in which Obi Wan has to use his lightsaber against a person. Only people, those droids don't count. Stormtroopers are dumb enough on their own, so Lucas had to come up with an even more incompetent generic enemy, a vaccuum cleaner with legs and a gun.

Old Ben vs. Ponda Baba: Why try to reason when cutting off a dude's arm works just as well. "This little one's not worth the trouble?"

Old Ben vs. Darth Vader: Our first encounter with a lightsaber duel! Sure it's not full of much action but its about the conflict between the master and former pupil. Of course Obi Wan makes his wisest move and lets Vader kill him rather than subject Luke to his lousy teachings and let someone who knows what he's doing, Yoda, teach Luke.

Obi Wan and Qui Gon Jinn vs. Darth Maul: An epic lightsaber duel set to the best music from the new trilogy cuts back and forth to the whiney child, a CGI battle of the most worthless armies to ever be imagined, and Natalie Portman running around with characters you'll never see again. Obi gets seperated from his master and witnesses his death. This is the only time we see Obi Wan finally kill a real Sith, but to do so he has to ignore everything it is to be a Jedi. Fuck staying calm and not giving into anger. Obi Wan bolts in the room, gets knocked down a bottomless pit but manages to hang onto a nub of some sort, meanwhile we are treated to the conclusion of a battle more embarrassing than the Ewoks. Finally, while his enemy's back is turned that's when he'll strike. Like a cowardly snake, Obi leaps up grabs his master's saber and cuts Maul in half. It would have been more badass if he fought with honor.

Obi Wan vs. Jango Fett: You're a Jedi for Christ's sake, throw your lightsaber or something.

Obi Wan and Anakin vs. Count Dooku: He's just tossed to side like a child. Both. Fucking. Times. He has to be saved by Yoda, who fights like an epileptic, and Anakin, who's Anakin.

Obi Wan vs. Anakin Skywalker: The epic finale of Episode 3 on a planet made entirely of lava, and Obi Wan's biggest mistake. First off, he's fighting his padawan, a person he claims is like a brother to him. How does he subdue his enemy? He hacks his legs off. Now's when he should have done a mercy killing. You love your little padawan so much? Put him out of his misery. I guess Obi Wan hates Hayden Christensen as much as the rest of us. Because he leaves this newly amputated friend of his to wallow in lava, but not enough to die. Leaving little Annie to be picked up by the Emperor and turned into the villian we all love. Thanks again Ben.

They should have kicked him off the council a long time ago. Him and that Hippie Qui Gon Jinn