Rorschach

For those who don’t know, Rorschach is one of the main characters of the acclaimed Alan Moore's graphic novel “Watchmen” and has been voted as one of the greatest comic characters, here I will explain his freakin’ brilliance.

Alan Moore: What else can you expect from him other than brilliance?

Just The Facts

  1. Everyone loves a comic book character that's crazy and admits it.
  2. Since the "Watchmen" movie came out, Rorschach it's a more popular word. Every hardcore fan hates this.
  3. Even though the hardcore fans hate the recent popularity of "Watchmen", they also had multiple orgasms caused by Rorschach's first scene.

Rorschach's Plan for Passing Time

Before you read "Watchmen", you can't figure out Rorschach completely; he looks awesome as hell, there's no affeminate costume nor cooky accessories, you only see the badassness of his filthy clothes. However, he may not look like he can kick anyone's ass, but at least you know he will try.

After reading "Watchmen", the doubt has vanished entirely; it's highly noticeable how Rorschach it's a crazy ass...let's call him hero, although I'm stretching the meaning of the word just to maintain the innocence of kids. If you have a fight with Rorschach, you can expect anything; you could be lucky enough that he just beat the shit out of you, or he could have fun and take a dump and break your skull against it. It depends on his sociopath mood.

Would you like to be Rorschach?...Hell yeah!

On the case of this hero it doesn't even matter that the guy smells, paraphrasing the novel, like a public bathroom after several truckers threw up and farted inside. Rorschach surpasses that; yeah, he may not have any money (he steals from his low-middle class partners); nor have physical appeal at all, he looks like the crazy guy who asks for money on the streets with a stick; and no accessories, since buying the materials to make a Rorschachmerang (a boomerang with depressive comments of our society carved on it) would leave him without his last pair of underwear.

But, despite all of these things, it's almost impossible not wanting to be him. Although it's liberating, it can be pretty dangerous if everyone notes this; his life shows us that no one needs money, the only thing humans desire is to wander the streets while making up reasons to kick someone you don't like in the face. You could also try Rorschach's favourite, burning scared fellows.


Just enjoying life at its fullest

If you haven't understood why Rorschach deserves a Nobel on Kickassness while being awesome-ology, you just have to try his way of living at least one day a week. Do the following:

(At every moment talk and think in brief phrases, just as every real hero)

Time: 7 p.m.: Grab a can of something apparently sickening, Rorschach wouldn't look what he's eating. Don't even heat it, this masked hero has been eating crap 24/7 since a little kid. Don't wash your mouth, that's for pussies. Also, no deodorant, another sign of pussyness.

7:05 p.m.: You should have ended the can 4 minutes ago. Eating like a pig only embarrasses clean superheroes with manners.


Pictured: Batman self-conscious about rests of chicken between his teeth.

Clean face with your sleeve. Think of someone who may have done something possibly bad. Start plotting hypothesis and following beating.

9 p.m.: Now that you have all planned out, it's time to write some awesome phrases. These will proof to the subject that you may be kidding, creating some awkward laughs, perfect distraction pre-maniac fight. Just like real crazy ass heroes.

10 p.m.: Break into the subject's home. Hide in dark places. Grab a weird weapon, just for the fun of it. Wait for the subject to come home. Meanwhile, you can practice your lines, try to make a terrifying voice. The choice is up to you, go wild!

Arrival of subject: Make a subtle noise, it will freak out the person who just entered.

1 minute after: Scare the shit out of the guy/gal. Start to mumble the phrases, hope they bring up some nervous laughs. Go close to the subject's ear, say something menacing. Go out the door.

On the way home: As you walk through the streets (it would be really helpful if the streets are filthy as hell and full of crackwhores for you to ignore them offensively), think about the society while making dark jokes about it. Remember never to carry an umbrella, walking on a rainy night helps to increase the ass smell which we are aiming to.

By this moment, if you haven't figured out that Rorschach's life style will be considered in the future as the worldwide norm, you are one of those weird people who have interesting lives without the influence of masked role models. But don't forget, someone could be inside your closet right now. Although you would have caught the rancid bum smell as soon as you go inside your place.