Tailgate Parties

Tailgate Parties are barbecue get togethers that occur in the parking lots of major sports facilities. They are a fans pre-game warm up. Sadly, sometimes the fan can't remember the game due to being too drunk. That's like pulling a hammy in warm ups.

DO NOT bring these CHiP's to the party

Just The Facts

  1. Tailgate Parties precede all major sporting events, some concerts, and even weddings.
  2. Food must be eaten and alcohol beverages must be consumed otherwise it might as well be a tea party
  3. Tailgating has given birth to ESPN's College Game Day, John Madden's "Ultimate Tailgating" Book, and that annoying drunk guy that sits behind you yelling anything after every play.

The Birth of the Tailgate Party

The Tailgate party is a famous past time that millions of American's take part in every year. Its origins date back to the 1960's, at a site already steeped in a rich history, Yankee Stadium. At the time, Dr. Anthony Pisani was the team doctor for the NFL's New York Giants. His wife, Angela, decided instead of waiting forever in a long line for overpriced food and drinks, why not bring the food to the game. So she loaded up the family Stationwagon, headed to the game, dropped the "tailgate" in the parking lot, and served sandwiches and drinks to her friends and family.

Nowadays the Sandwiches have been replaced with eye candy

Nowadays the Sandwiches have been replaced with eye candy

What it takes to Tailgate

There are certain factors that need to be taken in consideration when planning your tailgate party.

  • Always prepare food a day ahead of the event. That way your not rushed and can just concentrate on cooking your food. Heaven forbid you are cutting up some buns when the nearest inebriated person hits you in the head with a pass.

redacted

Yum, Vienna Sausages too....wait

  • Always support your team by sporting their colors. Whether its a jersey or t shirt, you always need to show your team that they mean more to you than the $100 you spent for a piece of plastic known as a stadium seat.

Or the $25 for a barrel to cover your junk

Or the $25 for a barrel to cover your junk

  • GET THERE EARLY. Your not the only one with this bright idea, so make sure you get there 3-4 hours early to get the best spot and have time to cook and relax. Plus, this allows for more drinking and the games always seem better that way.

The Commissioner of Tailgating

According to his website, the Commissioner of Tailgating is "not your average joe". Joe Cahn is the self-proclaimed Commisionier of Tailgating and has traveled all over the country, stadium after stadium, serving, tasting, and partying up with all kinds of folks.

PICTURED: Not your avergae joe

PICTURED: not your average joe

In 1996, he sold his home and business, the New Orleans School of Cooking, bought an RV, and made a self-proclaimed pledge that he would visit all the Tailgate parties he could and enjoy "the celebration in the parking lot". His job is to promote tailgating and has done so by traveling over 500,000 miles in his "JoeMobile" over 12 seasons. Why couldn't life be this simple? Give up everything you own, a successful business, a house, a life. All so you can become the world's biggest moocher and feed off of everyone else's parties. As if that wasn't douchey enough, he's self-proclaimed. No one else calls him the Commissioner, he titled himself. Thats like making a movie that beats all Box Office records and self-proclaiming yourself "King of the World"

F@#K YOU!!!! I did it twice!