John And Kate Plus 8

Jon and Kate Plus 8 is the lowest common denominator of television. Take 2 unlikable and miserable people add 8 screaming brats, sprinkle a little regret and contempt and you get a steaming pile of HD.

Just The Facts

  1. Kate is an irate bitch with the hairstyle of a lesbian, but doesn't realize it because she has no reflection in a mirror.
  2. TLC picked up this show because it completely forgot what it is to be a good station that had shows like Junkyard Wars.
  3. Another dozen people got blown to smithereens in Baghdad this morning, and you are probably reading this because you don't have a job anymore. Think about this the next time you are at the grocery store and see these assholes smeared all over the check-out line.
  4. Kate Gosselin causes Cancer.

Why this show is like watching an orphanage burn, but without the warm feeling:

Jon and Kate Plus 8 is a reality television show about the completely miserable Gosselin family. Episode after episode we are to bear witness as their marriage is ripped apart while constantly parading their children around on national television in an act that can only be considered borderline child abuse.

For only-God-knows-why this horrible excuse for good watching has been embraced by the international community and is constantly trumping real news, like the circumstances surrounding Michael Jackson's death.

For those of you who would like to better understand this shit stain on the tighty whiteys of society but have the high enough brain functioning required to breathe through your nose rather than your mouth, I would like to introduce you to:

Kate Gosselin

Kate Gosselin is the matriarch of the Gosselin Family (if you could call it that, I prefer circus act). With a personality that can only be described as the most over dramatic, controlling, condescending, manipulative, miserable, heartless, brainless, emotionless, robotic, psychotic, neurotic, fucking bitch ever.

I fucking hate you. You better not fall asleep tonight.

I fucking hate you. You better not fall asleep tonight.

A typical day for Kate Gosselin consists of the following:

  • Wake up from a long night of sleeping with her eyes open while hanging upside down from the rafters.
  • Yell at her husband for something.
  • Eat one human child.
  • Yell at her husband for something else.
  • Complain about her children or her husband in a talking head interview.
  • Go back to sleep from a long day of 'not mothering'.
  • Wash/Rinse/Repeat.

Current events shows that Kate's marriage to Jon is going about as well as could be expected when the wife has the personality of AIDS coated in Cancer, coated in permanent PMS. Between freaking out about things like her children wanting attention or Godforbid motherly love, she can be seen harping at her soon-to-be Ex-Husband for only God knows what. After living with a woman like this for 10 years it is a wonder we are not reading in the newspapers about the suicide of................

Jon gosselin

The poor, tortured shell of a man married to the she-cunt herself. This guy was obviously trapped in a situation that is reminiscent of a deal with the devil. Sure, marrying a young, blond, strong woman seemed like a great idea until she transformed into the man eating bitch that gives every would be groom a reason to grab his ears, close his eyes and run screaming from the altar.

What seems to pass as news these days says that Jon might have cheated on Kate. Does anyone blame him? It seems like Kate got off pretty easily considering any sane man with an ounce of self respect would have planned a family trip to Arizona to file for divorce by canyon.

This guy fucking deserves some happyness once in his life!

C'mon, this guy fucking deserves it.

Most of Jon's problems are clearly caused by "shewhoshallnotbenamed" but obviously some of it is caused by.......

Plus 8

There are 8 of them. They all look the same. They scream, cry, and shit, just like 1 kid but 8 times worse.

Come to think of it, they are exactly like the Nahasapeemapetilon children but different ethnicity and these kids are in every fucking episode of this God forsaken show.

Exactly like this......but Asian and much more misery.

Just like this, but Asian and less happy.

This should have been a show about Jon and Kate and how much better their lives are after the abortions.