Flying
this ancient task has been sought after ever since a bird took a shit on someones head and we wished we could return the favour so we must now fing how our dream failed, but we can still fly and i guess thats okay
Just The Facts
- we walk on land
- moving through the air is usually falling, moving in a direction is flying
- somewhere people are moving and hundreds of km/h in a metal tube calmly eating nuts
the beginning
at some point a long time ago some pidgeon ate some bed corn then went for a fly. a man below looked up in marvel as the magnifcent creature flew overhead as truly a testemnt to the awsome forces of evolution (yeah, come at me vatican) the man begins imagining great devices to mimic the grace of the bird.
suddenly a single drop of white glory falls from the bird and lands directly on the mans face and suddenly the grand machines disappear and are replaced by a simple need to take a dump on a bird mid flight. that'll show it.
he spends years of his life at this task and infects the mind of others with the same goal, let's teach those fucking birds a lesson. that man became known for nothing at all but he ignited the fire to fly
later
first they took the obvious route, flap your hands fast enough and you'll get in the air. this would have worked if they'd not givven up before the air became heavy with pollution and possible to swim in then we will fly everywhere believe me pollution is the key.
anyway after those pussies gave up they decided that a flapping wing would work y'know like a bird. but those godamn bird started fucking with us and it meant that we failed a shit load. fuck those birds and their bird tricks
i will destroy you
loosing the dream
at sometime we stopped going for the goal but for the means, like when we make somthing from ikea. fuck it if it doesn't hold the tv but it will fucking stand... woah Nam flashback fucking Nam furiture set, i lost 4 good screws on that one man, 4 screws, what am i supposed to do with 4 nuts.
so right um oh yeah finally they decided to have another go at flying.I have it on good faith it was a fuck the birds we're getting in the air type dealio. the two moustached badasses decided to make a plane out of bike parts and a lawnmower engine, what have you done recently?
so now we can't take a shit on a bird but can fuck up people on the groundand travel ridiculously fast but is it really worth it?
i would rather shit on a pigeon
I am so angry that I actually created an account to tell you why you fail as a human being.
ReplyYou could not have made it more obvious that you're a fourteen-year-old boy who thinks that just because this is the Internet, then basic grammar and spelling rules don't apply. Guess what. You're writing an article. It's supposed to be clean and well-written. A little part of me hopes that you get held back in school a few years, because it's obvious you need it.
Secondly. How dare you make light of Vietnam, you ignorant little pissant. You think PTSD is funny? Do you even know what those soldiers went through? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Thirdly, and the reason I strongly believe you are fourteen years old. If you're going to swear, use the words well. You sound like an idiot who has no idea what he's actually saying.
In summary: get off the Internet, go back to your corner, and read a book.
Horrible grammar and not funny at all. You fail horribly.
ReplyCool article. But plz fix up the grammar and capitalisation to make it more "cracked" style professional. feels like i am reading the new york post
ReplyIs your 'Shift' key broken or something? This is the most failed article in the history of ever.
ReplyJust to point out a failed joke you made, The pope is pro evolution (not the first one to be)so I don't know change it for some actual creationist dude
Reply