Blackberry

Blackberries can be used to text, make phone calls, organize your day planner, play games, and check email. They are also useful for rendering your brain helpless. Good luck trying to remember your grandmother's birthday when it dies.

Cracker thin.

Complete with cloud watching.

It even has the ability to lay on its side! Wow!

Just The Facts

  1. Over 21 million people use BlackBerry smartphones on over 375 wireless networks in 140 countries around the world.
  2. The BlackBerry solution gives mobile users access to email, phone, data, applications, games and the Internet from a smartphone.
  3. Blackberries are really fucking addicting.
  4. They can help you pass hours while on a plane, at work, on the toilet, and even while working on the toilet while on a plane.

Where did I place my soul?

What's the name of that device that doesn't resemble the fruit it's named after, lets you play Tetris, schedule dates and lets you call your mother to cry when she doesn't show up? I seem to have forgotten. Oh, wait... I think I wrote a note reminding me, now let me just check my Blackber-
Try emailing with that.
Oh yea! Now I remember. Luckily I had a Blackberry to remind me that I had a Blackberry. Kind of convenient, right? I guess that extra 16 gigabyte memory card I bought really came in handy. Or maybe I should just have used the no-limit information storage system known as my brain to remember such a thing. But I guess I just like to recall things with the push of a button instead of instantaneously by remembering such useless facts as where I should be Friday night at 6 P.M. (work). Or how to wipe my own ass. In fact, my Blackberry does have a file illustrating in detail how to meticulously fold a sheet of paper, put it between the cheeks and wipe. It's handy. I mean, I wouldn't trust anything but a device that can stop working at any time, right?
It needs a raise. How can you expect him to take care of his kids?

Shall I flush?

Nah, I'd much rather write those same instructions on a piece of paper and tape it above the toilet. Then I'm all set if someone had forgotten to change the roll, right? Right? Even so, the lack of makeshift toilet paper might be worth the risk to own one of these bad boys. There are so many different applications to choose from, so many different games to help you get through that boring business meeting (or wait it out as your roommate fetches more toilet paper from the 7 Eleven on the corner), or email so you can quietly chat with your hubby on the fly. (Honestly, it's so you don't have to listen to his annoying voice. Am I right?)
Yes, the Blackberry might be very convenient to some, but there are a few competitors out there. Devices like the iPhone come close to the marvels of the Blackberry, sporting sleek designs and an ingenious thing known as a touch screen, (which the blackberry loved so much it held a gun to the iPhone's head and stole it) which helps minimize those pesky typos that seem to plague tiny keyboards a third the size scrabble piece.

That's how we roll.