Cheap Travel

We all want something for nothing. We never get that, so something as cheap as possible is the next best thing.

W. Heath Robinson was really into the idea of low cost travel.

Just The Facts

  1. Cheap travel has been around since the days of having your passage paid to Australia for looking askance at a Lord.
  2. Paying minimal price usually means paying more for extras - like toilets. Or seats.
  3. You get what you pay for. Sometimes. But usually you pay through the nose.


Damned hippies.

A long, long time ago, when dinosaurs and hippies roamed the land, hitchhiking was the method of cheap travel.

Hitching is still popular in some parts of the galaxy.

Stand at the side of the road, stick out your thumb, and get a lift closer to your destination. And awesome amounts of sex. Or raped, murdered and your body buried in the woods. Which kind of explains it's demise as a form of cheap travel.

However, all is not lost, as a safe replacement has been found by Generation Y for hitching.


Riding the Rods

Fun for the whole family!

Another once popular form of cheap travel over long distances, riding the rods was simplicity itself.

Though not always comfortable

Stand outside a switching yard and wait for a freight train. Jump aboard - they are only travelling at about five miles an hour, so even the fattest basement dweller can manage that. Sit back and wait. Remember to keep a sharp eye out for the bulls.

Alas, with the death of the rail networks, this system has fallen into disuse, but Generation Y have once again proven their ingenuity in finding a replacement.

People smuggling.

The Greyhound

Beware. You are entering the domain of the old and the lunatic.

The Greyhound, or similar, is a safe, dirt cheap way of getting from city to city.


Get down to the bus station. Fight your way through the dealers, addicts and tramps. Buy a ticket. Beat the crap out of the guy who just tried to steal your wallet. Wile away the time until your bus leaves by sitting on your belongings and watching the food slowly crawl around the kiosk counter. Unstick your feet from the floor, brush off the tramp vomit, and board your bus. Simple.

Be aware that all buses are non smoking.

Budget Airlines

Sometimes cost cutting goes too far.

Once the preserve of the rich and worthless, air travel has now expanded to fit the wallets of the poor and worthless.

Take coins. Lots of coins.

It is possible, if you time things right, to fly from London to New York for $20 plus taxes. Of course, you have to book a year in advance, have minimal luggage, and no pride.

Safe landings cost extra.

Cheap Accomodation

Only 8 cents a day!

While not technically travel, no guide would be complete without covering accomodation at the other end of your trip.

No phone, no pool, no pets.

Motels tend to be cheapest, if you are not too fussy about hygiene, sleeping without being invaded, and enjoy having a ready supply of skanks willing to take it all ways for five bucks. Just remember the golden rule.

Be considerate.