The Death Star

The Empire's patented

Just The Facts

  1. The Death Star was a moon-sized battle station built and controlled by the Galactic Empire in the Star Wars universe.
  2. It housed a laser capable of incinerating an entire planet in an instant.
  3. Realizing how undeniably badass it felt to threaten people with
  4. When they decided to build a second, larger Death Star after the first was destroyed, it became clear that this strategy was somewhat inelastic:

THE CRACKED TAKE

Life aboard the Death Star appears to have consisted mostly of walking purposefully down endless corridors, and not getting laid. There was very little culture to be found anywhere. However, working on The Death Star meant trading citizenship on your gay-sounding home planet (Tatooine? Seriously?) to live on something called The Death Star.

Despite it's enormous size, it was mobile, using a complex series of turbines located along its equator in order to propel it through space and rotate at will. Mobility was mostly utilized to ensure that its laser-eye was always photographed from the front, floating right side up.

The Empire's Official Defense Strategy (A Flowchart)

  The Empire knew what side its bread was buttered on (the one the made it look like a cyclopse).

If the Death Star could be said to have one weakness, it would have to be the unguarded, torpedo-shaped hole on the outside.