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Nicolas Cage

Nicolas Cage is an Oscar winning Hollywood movie star who abruptly quit acting at the height of his abilities.
He has starred in dozens of films since that time.
Cage is one of the youngest actors ever to enter the "Seriously, I Don't Give a Shit" stage of his career. And while actors like Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro have perfected the art of phoning-in a performance, nobody has quite matched Cage's ability to make us wonder if he's fucking with us.
Post giving a shit, Cage films are plotted in much the way burritos are ordered at Chipotle. By choosing different combinations from a small, fixed menu, Cage has been able to release an endless variety of barely different films.

The Nicolas Cage Movie Plot Generator

While Mr. Cage's hair is always atrocious, he has been known to switch ridiculous hair styles from one film to the next. This is done so that audiences can tell his movies apart. For instance: Bizarre lack of sideburns=National Treasure, Long hair combined with absurdly big forhead =Next

However, sometimes Cage fails to make his hair uniquely weird enough from one film to the next, as in these two screen grabs taken from two seperate movies:

Or these three:

Best Scenes from Wickerman
Submitted by: daniel.
Mar 12, 2009 | Source: Youtube, Your Nightmares

These largely unrelated clips, when strung together, form a more coherent plot than Wickerman from start to finish.

Cracked Talk on | Nicolas Cage

4 of 96 Comments

Adaptation, Leaving Las Vegas, Raising Arizona, The Weather Man, City of Angels, World Trade Center, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, Moonstruck... ah, fuck it.
I never expect Cracked to be funny OR accurate, but you know something's wrong when it's easier to find examples of movies in Nic's filmography that DON'T apply to this generator than it is to find ones that do (that aren't blatantly stated in the generator, that is).

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 11/10/2009 9:54 PM