Nicolas Cage
Just The Facts
- Nicolas Cage is an Oscar winning Hollywood movie star who abruptly quit acting at the height of his abilities.
- He has starred in dozens of films since that time.
- Cage is one of the youngest actors ever to enter the "Seriously, I Don't Give a Shit" stage of his career. And while actors like Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro have perfected the art of phoning-in a performance, nobody has quite matched Cage's ability to make us wonder if he's fucking with us.
- Post giving a shit, Cage films are plotted in much the way burritos are ordered at Chipotle. By choosing different combinations from a small, fixed menu, Cage has been able to release an endless variety of barely different films.
THE CRACKED TAKE:
While Mr. Cage's hair is always atrocious, he has been known to switch ridiculous hair styles from one film to the next. This is done so that audiences can tell his movies apart. For instance: Bizarre lack of sideburns=National Treasure, Long hair combined with absurdly big forhead =Next
However, sometimes Cage fails to make his hair uniquely weird enough from one film to the next, as in these two screen grabs taken from two seperate movies:
Or these three:
I liked ConAir in spite of the stupid way he talked. Like he had a mouth full of s**t after he'd gargled with Novocain. Steve Buchemi saved that movie.
Reply"OPEN THE SAFE"
Reply"........No.."
The most dramatic line from the new "Tresspass" movie
He played a SKELETON ON FIRE! And he nailed that role! No one can do a better skeleton on fire.
Reply.....Michael Cera could, if the flaming skeleton was in high school and listened to lots of indie music.
Honestly the two movies I can think of in the past decade when Nic Cage has truly been Nic Cage were Lord of War and Bad Lieutenant.
ReplySeriously watch Bad Lieutenant. Nic Cage acts like someone forced Dick Nixon, Harry Callahan and Gary Busey to mate and Cage was the result of said coked up sweaty orgy.
He just pretty much randomly goes around immediate post Katrina New Orleans with the biggest .44 Magnum he can find doing the best Dick Nixon he can while holding up random people for cocaine and heroin. In one scene he literally asks a drug lord why he doesn't have a lucky crack pipe.
Nic Cage can be f*****g fantastic when he is actually himself. When he is himself the level of f*****g greatness that emerges is practically unimaginable.
....John Egbert?
He has more presence, better quality, and a winning personality, on his talk show guests appearances.
ReplyI don't know how to explain it, but I love all his awful films. The Wicker Man has a special place in my heart, precisely because it's so bad. At least when he's in bad films, you know it's going to be entertaining despite any sort of plot or effort whatsoever.
Replyhe still gets the occasional good review
Replythey're just often overshadowed by the many bad ones
Hey, Cage is one of my favs! Wild Heart! Birdy! Captain Corelli's Mandolin (yes, I liked it)! Raising Arizona (worthy of two or more mentions)! I know these are older films of his. But they're why we all love us some Cage. Having said that, I have to admit this article was very funny, so there must be some truth in it.
ReplyIt's hard to say exactly when he became the self parodied travesty we know today, these kinds of things take time. All I know is that it happened sometime after Raising Arizona and well before today.
ReplyI liked him in Lord of War, though yeah... he wasn't really acting.
ReplyThe only movie I ever really, really liked him in was 'Adaptation'. That was a brilliant film.
Replylove the bees references.
ReplyWhy is it burnt? WHY IS IT BURNT? WHY IS IT BURNT
I dont know!
WHY SO SERIOUS?
ReplyHi I'm Nicolas Cage, I'm here to ruin your movie.
ReplyHis worst movie was Knowing, I unknowingly wasted 2 hours of my life that I'll never get back
LOL, no. Worst Nick Cage movie is Snake Eyes. It's a scientific fact.
Personally, I am a big fan of Nicolas and I've seen most of his films. For the most ugly hair is in Bangkok Dangerous lol
ReplyNicholas Cage should play a desk clerk, I have no idea why he was ever cast in action movies. I mean look at him, he's boring, looks like David Schneider and he looks about 20 years older than he actually is.
Replyahhhh!!! NOT THE BEES!!!! THEY'RE IN MY EYES!!!! NOOOO!!! haahahahah fukn classic
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