Meteorologists, or weathermen (sexist perhaps, but easier to spell), are the people we pay to bullshit us into believing that we have the slightest of clues as to what the future holds.

Complete curriculum of a standard college course in meteorology.

Famous weatherman Al Roker preparing a sacrifice.

Between jobs as a failed oilman, failed baseball owner, and failed POTUS, George W. Bush also dabbled in meteorology.

Just The Facts

  1. Meteorologists are like Scientologists, only more full of shit.
  2. The best way to predict tommorrow's weather is to just wait about 24 hours.
  3. The first person to be paid to predict the weather was Benjamin Franklin, and he smoked LOTS of weed.

Is a Job in Meteorology Right for Me?

Let's face it, we would all love a job that would allow us to work 30 minutes a day, be on television, and not get penalized for being wrong 80% of the time, but there are only a limited number of time slots on Fox News. This is where a career in meteorology can help you!

Do you start sentences with, "Uh, I don't fucking know... How about (answer)?"

Do you like to blame your professional mistakes on fate?

Do you like marijuana?

If you answered "yes" to these questions, then you have what it takes to be a successful weatherman.

Won't People Catch On?

Humans love being lied to; it's a basic fact. The number one export of America is high-powered, weapons-grade baloneyum. It is a common misconception that your job is to predict the weather, but the fact is that your job is to sell a sense of security.

People just want to know what the weather is going to be like, it doesn't matter at all if they had "bad intel," they just want to know SOMETHING. I mean it's 2009 for fuck's sake; people expect to have a world of information at their fingertips. Remember, any discrepancy between your prediction and the outcome isn't your fault!