Register
140,774 views |

Recession

A boom is when everyone pretends that everyone else has money. A recession is when some inconsiderate bastard tries to collect.

Just The Facts

  1. The recent recession triggered by the impossibility of buying a million dollar home on a fifty-thousand salary, apparently surprising everyone involved.
  2. Worked hard, saved, and spent within your means? Tough!
  3. This would be an excellent time to learn Chinese, stockpile petrol, or befriend a feral child.

The Sequence of Collapse

Failing companies used credit to delay collapsing.
Credit companies faked solvency with investment before collapsing.
The investment firms got money from the government before collapsing.
The government, well, we've redefined the Mad Max series as educational films. We now owe both the Chinese and the future several trillion dollars, and if we've learned anything from the movies it's that both could kick our asses - and want to.

This can be entirely traced to plastic crap like Billy The Singing Sea-Bass: we spent all our money on them, China had to make them, and the future keeps digging the unkillably unbiodegradable things up, and now they all want us gone.

Surviving A Recession

During a recession staple goods survive while luxuries are sacrificed. As a food provider or medicine provider you would be fine; as internet comedy writers we'll be banging on the barbed wire fence begging to be let in.

Recession Articles

The American Recession As Explained By A Canadian   Submitted by: LukeMcKinney   |   Jul 30, 2009 | Source: Cracked
They'll run out of maple syrup soon enough.
6 Reasons The Recession Is More Depressing Than You Think   Submitted by: LukeMcKinney   |   Jul 30, 2009 | Source: Cracked
Not being able to afford stuff sort of sucks.
6 Ways The Recession Has Made The World Suck Less   Submitted by: LukeMcKinney   |   Jul 30, 2009 | Source: Cracked
Sure, there's less medical care, but there are less emo whiners too!


Cracked Talk on | Recession

Ironically the Bank Bailout will be the only part of the economic stimulus/bailouts to actually make money in the long term... but don't worry, we've given all that profit to be to the car industry to fart away.

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 11/10/2009 11:02 AM
Rory

funny...but you're missing key players in the current recession such as the fed, goldnut sachs, the credit crunch and the bailout.

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 11/6/2009 1:16 PM
BenjaminDunphy

First person to tell me the deadline for the US to pay off the national debt gets a sticker. And a really cool sticker, too. Probably with a unicorn or dragon or something.

1 Replies | Hide Replies | Reply | Posted on 9/28/2009 6:19 AM
doubty

2012, haven't you seen the commercials about what will happen then?

Posted on 11/10/2009 11:02 AM
Rory

Popular Topics

Staff
LukeMcKinney
Other Topics

Topic Submission

Want to own a topics page?

Have an idea for a topics page?

Click here!