House M.D.

Medical shows have always been popular, from the vaguely unrealistic (E.R., Grey's Anatomy) to the gripping, real-life docu-drama (Scrubs, Doogie Howser). House carries on a proud tradition of reassuring government beaurucrats and medical insurance executives alike that medical funding is being utterly wasted.

Every week, a single patient is treated by a team of highly-trained doctors who generally wait until the last possible second to treat the patient, due to their need to spend more than half of every episode mocking and fighting amongst themselves.. Compare that with Hawkeye and Hunnicut, who could absentmindedly sew up an exploding bladder while casually remarking on Hotlip's bosom, and still make it to the mess tent for dinner.

Colonel Potter had a better angry face than Cuddy too.

Dr. Gergory House

The fearless leader of the team, House is best known for unapolgeticaly making fun of anyone and everyone he meets. Nothing is too racist/homophobic/generally insensitive. He is widely known as a medical genius, with patients traveling from as far away as Cuba just to have him insult them.

You're the gayest/blackest/most flawed person I've ever met

Every episode inevitably ends with someone (usually Wilson) making a random remark, which sparks an epiphany and causes House to stare into space for a few seconds before running out of the room to save the day. At the end of season 5 House realized he was batshit insane and went to a facility for help. He was fully rehabilitated in just 2 hours at the beginning of season 6.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy

Cuddy is the emperor to House's Darth Vader; she's the only person who can remotely control him. On rare occasions she will get the best of House, though he generally strikes back with a deep-cutting remark or observation about Cuddy's cleavage or ass.

She's kind of asking for it though.

Cuddy will ocassionaly go on a powerplay, but House is always quick to show her why she is wrong and why he hasn't been fired yet. despite multiple opportunites.

Dr. Alison Cameron

Cameron is the conscience of the show. She contributes little to the overall doctoring, instead choosing to spend most of her time clucking away and jusging everyone else. On the rare times she does prove vital to saving someone's life, she always immediately reminds everyone why she deserves to be ostracized by nitpicking over some small detail or mild moral outrage.

Dr. Robert Chase

Chase is the good-looking one. His mental apptitude is very low, often resulting in small children getting the best of him. His continued employment only serves to further speculation that all of House's gay jokes are simply hiding his true desires for the love that dare not speak it's name. Pateins usually react to Chase in one of two ways; being completely insulted by his ignorance, or completely drawn in by his charm and good looks.

He is easily the most popular character among MySpace, LiveJournal and Facebook users however.

Dr. Eric Foreman

Foreman is a black version of House. This bothers him more than anyone, but he apparently isn't bothered by it quite enough to actually change himself. He does the bulk of the work for the team, and is one of the few people House truly respects. This is demonstrated in the way House merely makes borderline racist remarks, as opposed to blatantly racist remarks. In the beginning of season 6, Foreman was made head of the department and promptly took on House's douchiest tendencies.

Dr. James Wilson

Wilson is House's best friend, despite being routinely abused and used by House. He is the head of the oncology department at Princeton Plainsboro Hospital, though he seems to spend more time helping House's team than any of his own patients. He's their Dr. Phil, Ned Flanders and Kramer all rolled into one.

13 (AKA Dr. Hadley)

Hired as an essential replacement for Cameron after her departure for the ER, 13 is the only member of the team nearly as quick-witted as House. She can generally hold her own in any debates with House or Cuddy, and provides much of the patient treament duties for the new team. She is also suffering from Huntington's disease, a fact House reminds her of whenever he can. After Foreman went on his power trip early in season 6, he fired 13 for being the only competent member of the team.

Dr. Lawrence Kutner

Kumar...er, Kutner....filled in for Chase as House's main ass-kisser following Chase's firing in season 3. Kutner almost never fails to agree with House on any subject, and he is thoroughly mocked by the rest of the team for this. He has occasionaly made deals with Cuddy to further his career, which only solidifies his position as an ethnic Chase. In the middle of season 5 Kutner commited suicide so he could go work for Obama [citation needed]

Dr. Chris Taub

Taub would be a replacement for Foreman, except that Foreman never left. He challenges House on nearly every subject and has been a subject of much of House's mocking and criticism because of it. Taub is the cranky father figure of the new team, though he has been known to bend the rules on occasion. Taub quit early in season 6 when it became apparent that Foreman was an ego-maniacal douchebag (just like House, but without House's charming wit).