David Caruso

CRACKED ON DAVID CARUSO:

While the Caruso Method is widely studied, little is known about the man. Like a grimacing chameleon, Caruso blends in with his surroundings. He is not just the star of a show that takes place in Miami. Caruso is Miami. He may have arrived as a pasty Irish Catholic, but you wouldn't know it from his girlfriend Liza Marquez, and their son Marquez Anthony (a name he presumably arrived at after his wife told him Enrique Iglesias was too obvious, and The Miami Sound Machine was not an appropriate name for a child).

When he opened a high end retail store in downtown Miami, rather than trading on name recognition, he gave it the tragically perfect name "Steam." The name so adeptly captured the spirit of Miami that the ad executive who named the city's WNBA franchise "The Sol" immediately killed himself in shame, at which point Caruso stood over his body, held his sun glasses poised between his fingers, and said, "May God have mercy on his Sol." Not his best work, but as Caruso would later explain, the room was filled with distracting sobs and cops yelling, "Why is David Caruso here?"