The Santa Clause is a 1994 Christmas film about a single dad who becomes Father Christmas. It stars Tim Allen, Judge Reinhold and about 7000 annoying children who's primary objective for the duration of filming was to look busy, which they failed at!
On Christmas Eve, Scott Calvin is looking after his son, Charlie, while his ex-wife goes off with her boyfriend for a wild night of Christmas sex. The father and son awaken when they hear noises on the roof. Scott goes out to check, and inadvertently KILLS SANTA CLAUS IN COLD BLOOD. Okay, not cold blood, but he scares him enough to make him fall off the roof. To cut a long opening short, Scott puts on the suit, as instructed by a note his son reads to him, and finishes the big guys work. The end.
OOp, sorry, not the end. Instead of taking them home, the sleigh and reindeer take them to the North Pole, where they are slowly surrounded by children in colourful clothing (First thought: Michael Jacksons house. Second thought: "Oh yeah, shit, so ignorant. Third thought: Obvious joke, move on). They are told by the head elf, a jewish lad named Bernard, that Scott has to be Santa Claus. Soooo, the rest of the film focuses on him in denial, eventually accepting it, having Charlie taken away from him and eventually saving Christmas. Oh, and Judge Reinhold get's his weenie whistle. Don't ask!
It's a Christmas film that doesn't even feel Christmassy. Hell, it doesn't even feel like a fully fledged film. It feels like someone took everyones childhood dream (assuming everyones childhood dream was to have Santa as a dad) and ripped it apart, urinating and releasing fecal matter all over the shattered remains. Oh, then they made Tim Allen stand in it for 97 minutes! Then they made a kid give him cocoa, and let's face it people, kids aren't good at anything. They can barely stand, let alone make him a suitable beverage!
"You put shit...in my cocoa?"
In addition to the annoying child who plays the son, we have a whole host of annoying children who can't act portraying elves. It's understandble why they cast children, it was a way of saying to the younger viewers "Look, elves aren't tall aging comedians who get lost in New York because they're an idiot. No, elves are just like you, but with organisational skills and the ability to manufacture toys at a high rate." This seems like a good idea, but it just comes across as if Santas running an illegal sweatshop. But the workshop has a train that goes everywhere (AWESOME) which kind of makes up for the rest of the film.
No, that's not the train from the film, but look at it! It's Awesome!