New Orleans

New Orleans is an American city known for it's culture, cooking, and location under the sea.

Welcome to the Big Easy

New Orleans at a glance

The city symbol

Just The Facts

  1. The French chose the site for New Orleans because it seemed less flood prone than the area around it.
  2. New Orleans is surrounded by lakes/rivers/oceans.
  3. Fuck you, France

Culture

Overcoming its French heritage, New Orleans has become a favorite destination for vacationers the world over. This is especially true during the Mardi Gras festival, when people of all ages gather to celebrate the arrival of Lent by funneling mimosas, exposing themselves to strangers, and wading through ankle deep rivers of piss. It was also the site of the Battle of New Orleans, the last time we kicked some British ass. Which is totally why we go.

Take that, Redcoats!

When you're done there, could you point us toward the museum?

New Orleans is also known for its music, though the business has struggled since the NBA took the Jazz to Utah because "polyrhythms and polygamy go hand-in-hand" (citation needed). What music does remain is often drowned out by the constant shouts of revelers hoping to see some free boobage, which is way better than a clarinet solo anyway.

Mormons.

Mormons (obviously).

Cooking

New Orleans is renowned for its culinary traditions, from fine pastry to whatever food Emeril is yelling at today. The most famous is Cajun cooking, a collection of spicy dishes which are just as likely to be mispronounced as they are to cause a wicked case of hot-butt. The city is also home to a number of cocktails, including the Sazerac, a drink filled with cognac, absinthe and a night's full of bad decisions to come.

BAM!

She didn't want to get gumbo on her new sweater.

Like the streets during high tide, navigating the lexicon of New Orleans food can be treacherous and full of crawfish. Certain awesome foods (doughnuts, sausage) have been emasculated by French heritage (beignets, andouille). Others are more colloquial, such as calling "snowcones" by the name "snowball," leading to many a disappointed Japanese tourist.

YIFF!

i can has bukkake?

Water

The Big Easy was just that until, in 2005, the whole city went from pounding hurricanes to getting pounded by hurricanes. Luckily, FEMA was there to turn this Category 5 storm into a Category 5 clusterfuck and, well, on second thoght, nobody was really lucky to have FEMA there at all. So let's just say when the levee breaks is better as a song than a current event.

Prom

Failed dikes in the Lower Ninth Ward

Some have called Katrina one of the worst natural disasters in history, but we all know it was just part of Dubya's plan to piss off Kanye.

This guy tried to help by sending a motorboat.