Flowcharts are used to visually represent problem solving systems for people who are too stupid to figure things out for themselves.

A practical flowchart for diagnosing relationship problems, produced by the editor.

Just The Facts

  1. Businesses use them instead of hiring competent people and training them to solve problems.
  2. It's an easy way to mock someone for being a douche bag (like Steven Seagal).
  3. Making and reading a flowchart falls outside of most people's abilities (because most people are idiots).

Flowcharts in the Business World

There is exactly one flowchart necessary for the entire business world:

All other flowcharts are redundant (that means you don't need them) because they all do basically this.

It is strongly recommended that you print off this flowchart and post it to the inside of your cubicle wall, covering up all other company-produced flowcharts and diagrams. When asked by your supervisor why you have done this, send him/her off by saying "Bah!" and waving your hand dismissively. Ignore all further communication from him/her because you have the only business tool that matters.

Making Your Own Flowchart

If you insist on making your own "funny" flowchart, please observe the following basic rules:

  1. Flowcharts must branch.

If your flowchart doesn't branch, you have just written a set of instructions. You could make the argument that it is a post-modern flowchart that derives its irony from the lack of choice, but that's the kind of thing you want to leave to snooty academic types. Most people won't find it funny, or they will lie and say that it's funny to avoid embarrassment.

  1. Flowcharts must direct you to a course of action or a conclusion.

A bunch of arrows and "funny" speech bubbles that never resolve into anything isn't a flowchart. That's like a joke without a punch line.

  1. Bacon, Steven Seagal, and David Caruso have already been made into flowcharts.

Find something new.