Pamela Anderson

Pamela Anderson, or widely known as "That chick with the HUGE rack" was born in Canada, 1st of July, 1967. )){u

What she looks like (will be replaced with flowchart)

Just The Facts

  1. Pamela Anderson is female
  2. Females have boobs.
  3. QED, Pamela Anderson is the alpha female.

History of boobs.

Good little Pam Anderson was born in Ladysmith, British Columbia as a daughter of a waitress and a furnace repairman. You do know we meant mom was a waitress and dad was the repairman, because that would just be silly for someone to be both at the same time.

After graduating high school, Pam moved to Vancouver where she got hired as a fitness instructor, mostly so her boss had an excuse to watch her bounce around. That however isn't relevant to her career.

The real shaker was a distinctive football game in the BC Place in the shirt wetting summer of 1989, where our young, Pam was noticed on the JumboTron with her tight shirt, bodacious ta-tas, shy attitude, stonking great tits, and enormous boobs. As expected, she attracted a lot of attention, her boobs a lot of affection, and most of the crowd's erection. After the game, she was called down to receive an ovation from the boob thirsty crowd, where she got noticed by what we imagine a guy who would pay her money to undress in front of cameras (we usually call them agents in these situations).

Soon she received a job as a model, followed by a job as a Playboy model, followed by getting picked as PlayMate of February, 1990.

After that, she moved to L.A. where she pursued an "acting" career. That proved to be easy to our chesty little Pam, as she received a rather small role in the family sitcom Home Improvement. A small role for big boobs you say? Well, after that she got her most famous role as C.J. Parker in Baywatch where she would save human lives with her floating boobs, where she didn't have to punch someone to make him lose his conciseness.

In 1996, she got her also famous role in Barbwire, an adaptation of an underground comic which gave hope to the depressed masses of the 90s that, in the event of an apocalyptic collapse of western civilization, there'd still be plenty of cleavage to go around.

If you don't believe us, here's a review from the world's most trusted cinematic reviewamatorium, IMDB:

Kinky.

Pam as we know her today does charity, builds eco hotels, and makes leaked porn and other not-so-interesting stuff (except for the porn). Now we will look at the charity she did:

Charity of boobs.

Apart from supplying the world with nearly infinite masturbation material, our lovely, chesty Pam has done some other good things to improve our rapidly decomposing planet. First, lets look ather charity profile:


She has done excellent work for Feed the Children, and belittling that would just lack taste If you know what we mean.

We can't pass the subject without giving Pam credit for posing nude for charity. Yes, you read that right. Pam posed nude in Stella McCartney's London store to raise money for PETA, which ironically lead to the brutal excoration of thousands of kittens worldwide. We're still unsure in the way she raised money, but anything to encourage public nudity is A-OK in our books. Did bystanders just throw money in a basket, or did they pay money to get a picture with her? Clearly, this is a phenomena that bares further investigation.

Pam also flew all the way to the Emirates so she could be the host of the Make-A-Wish foundation. We figured most of the wishes were "motorboat Pamela Anderson" so that's a logical explanation, right? Right?!

Do you know what's better than looking at Pamela's boobs? Having a great, no-boobie-touching dinner with her. At least some people think so. Our bosom-buddy Pam was on auction, but for charity, which only goes to prove that pretty much everything is justified if it's for charity. Now, before the feminists finish lighting their torches, we want to say that the highest bidder would get to take Pam out on a dinner. Just dinner. Boob puns ensue.

"This chicken breast is displayed wonderfully."

"What an impressive set of jugs. . . Of wine! "

"I want to bury my face in your melons, I MEAN... FUCK THIS!"

Talking about boob puns, we should check out the...

Scandals of boobs.

As you know, every famous person with boobs has scandals. Sexy, jiggling scandals, ranging in audacity from a simple midnight Manhattan nipple-flash, to beating your children. Even dressing weird isn't considered a scandal anymore (thank you, Lady Gaga and Bjork) but sex tapes became the new fashion, everyone's doing it (also thank you, Paris Hilton) so we will have to go with Pam's sex tapes.

The Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape

After getting married, Pam and Tommy here decided to go to a trip. To their honeymoon. They filmed a home video, but not the kind you put on Youtube, rather the kind that gets put on sites like "www.all-asian-lesbian-fucktastrophy.co.rz". The video consisted of two happily married, Christian couple making innocent love to each other on a boat.

Who are we kidding? It's just a video of Pamela nakedness, a blowjob, humping, and another blowjob.

The couple returned home and put their valuable tape under lockdown, safe from all the bad horny people in the world. . . Until they got robbed!

The tape was "allegedly" "stolen" in "1998". Let us remind you that celebrity sex tapes still weren't popular - but Pamela was everyone's wankdream. The video soon leaked, and started getting sold everywhere. Yes, they got their part of the share (the love birds) but you know what they say: Money won't make you happy, but being poor sure as fuck won't either. After the couple settled with the people responsible for the original leak, Internet Entertainment Group, they started earning royalties on every copy sold, along with a hefty award for back pain and suffering.

Baywatch

For those few souls lucky enough to have missed the cultural wasteland that was the early to late 90s, Baywatch was a television show about breasts. The Guiness Book of World Records holds that the show, which aired from 1989 to 1999, is the most watched television show in the world of all time, averaging around 1.1 Billion viewers a week. In addition to it's staggering popularity, it spawned two remakes and a reunion film nobody likes to talk about because, wait a second, did the show really have 1.1 Billion viewers weekly?

What the Hell could have made it so appealing to-

Oh, right.