The Baldwins
The Baldwins are the Hollywood equivalent of a biker gang. They're semi-organized, they appear unclean and the things they do are, by and large, unpleasant.
Just The Facts
- The Baldwins are a quartet of interchangeable brothers who act.
- Alec Baldwin probably supports the rest of his family
- If Billy Baldwin ever dies, it will likely take many moons to reach this page for an update to take place
Stephen Baldwin
Stephen in the brother who looks most like he'd piss on your toilet seat then deny it afterwards, even if no one else had used the bathroom that day and everyone knew it.
Arguably Stephen's three biggest film roles were in The Usual Suspects, Bio-Dome and The Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas. One of these things is not like the others.
Outside of direct to video film, Stephen is also most well known for making far too many appearances on reality TV shows like I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here, Celebrity Apprentice and two times on Celebrity: Mole. All three of these shows play fast and loose with their definition of celebrity.
Stephen has the initials HM tattooed on his shoulder. It stands for Hannah Montana. Hannah Fucking Montana.
In late July, 2009 Stephen filed for bankruptcy. It is assumed this refers to the financial kind, and not the spiritual or moral kind. On an unrelated note, here is actual video of Stephen Baldwin debating marijuana legalization with Ron Paul. Seriously.
Alec Baldwin
Alec Baldwin is better known as the Baldwin you recognize. Despite making a name for himself in his private life as a blustering windbag of an asshat, Alec has managed to work steadily and not entirely suck for much of his career. His television show 30 Rock is actually barely hated.
Earlier highlights of his career include starring in Beetlejuice and the Adventures of Pluto Nash. Remember that scene in Beetlejuice when they made everyone sing the Banana Boat song at dinner? It's way cooler in Spanish. Fuck yeah!
Wait, is this Italian? Meh, it's foreign.
Billy Baldwin
You wouldn't recognize Billy Baldwin if he fell on you from space.
Who the fuck am I?
Daniel Baldwin
Daniel is the Baldwin you'll recognize as the one who appears to have just eaten several hamburgers and is now sleepy but being kept awake by chest pains.
Like brother Stephen, Daniel has taken refuge on reality TV, starring alongside his brother in I'm a Celebrity..Get Me Out of Here as well as appearing on Celebrity Fit Club and Celebrity Rehab.
Here's Daniel Baldwin's life being equated with a heaping pile of shit in four minutes and twenty-two seconds.
Adam has been badass since DC Cab.
ReplyJust like most 'topic' articles, dreadfully unfunny.
ReplyWhy did it show adam baldwin in here?
Reply"This is how Baldwin's are constructed in China."
It's a joke.
Adam Baldwin > Baldwin Brothers
ReplyDaniel Baldwin is on Worlds Dumbest... on TruTv
ReplyHas anyone seen that EPIC film masterpiece called Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man? (Staring no less then Don Johnson Miami Vice Nash Bridges fame.) All of the Baldwins where given employment as Bulletproof long black trench coated hit men. Scary as hell to see the Brigade of Baldwin all packing Styer Augs.
ReplyI think Daniel Baldwin was the only Baldwin in that movie.
yeah, its just the one, also mickey rooney's cobbler made a little-known cameo in it too
Gorram it Mal!
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesHaha, Jayne is f*****g awesome.
different baldwin, no relation to the others.
haha. love him in that! he's in chuck too.
Adam Baldwin must have my masculine babies.
For the first guy you forgot the Celebrity Fear Factor. I remember that s**t eating grin
Replywho doesnt?
Btw, the Beetlejuice video is in Italian, not Spanish ;)
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ReplyI think the Baldwins should adopt Adam Baldwin, they'd get a badass, and he'd get...something.
ReplyOh yeah. IrishEpidemic is right. Remember when my girl told me that, and I looked it up because I didn't believe her.
ReplyYou DO realize that Adam Baldwin is not related to the rest of them, right?
ReplySeriously? Boy, is my face red. Let me go correct that immediately!
I forgot to mention the scene I described is from 30 Rock.
ReplyWhy would you possibly pick a scene from Beetlejuice that doesn't actually CONTAIN Alec Baldwin? You should have used a comically brilliant sequence when he's role-playing in therapy as Tracy Jordan's father. He starts, and Tracy says "Man, that sounds nothing like my father." So he begins again, doing a dead-on Redd Foxx impression and hilarity ensues.
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The Daniel Baldwin video is FUCKIN' FUNNY!!!!
ReplyI agree, "Stephen in the brother". That was a great prison movie
ReplyOh god, Stephen Baldwin actually looks like the biggest douchebag ever.
Reply