Pirates

Pirates are people who murder people while stealing all their shit. They traditionally do this at sea. Old school pirates are loved by all, surprisingly un-ironically.

If you saw this, you were about to be gruesomely tortured, then killed.

Just The Facts

Old Pirates were cattle hunters who hated the spanish and decided to give up their ridiculous job to kill them all.
Like memes, this behavior eventually spread to include anyone who felt like being an asshole to foreign countries.
New pirates are pretty much the same, except they use guns and comply with affirmative action.
Both groups were/are utterly hated in their day, but have been/will be redeemed by portrayals as codpiece wearing rapscallions.

Classic Pirate

A pirate fight.

Pirates originally started as Frenchman who hunted and smoked cattle on the island of Tortuga. They also used boats as a means to hunt other things. Such as Spaniards. Over time, this ballooned into a shit-storm of spaniard hate as the French, English, and even the pathetic Dutch were paying people to pick on the Spanish.

After the other countries got bored, they stopped paying the pirates. They failed to take into acoount that once you go pirate, you can't go back, it's similar to black. The pirates started to attack anyone and anyplace with food and women/whores, which was pretty much everywhere.

Pirates eventually died out as the same foreign powers who once payed them tracked them all down and hanged them. Often the would let their bodies rot and swing in the air, a gruesome reminder to all that piracy would would eventually end in a horrible death. Three hundred years later, everyone would love them.

Pirate Fandom

Badasses

Recently, there has been a resurgence in admiration for pirates. Pirate fans dress up in their traditional pirate clothes. Go hang out in a field, and sing songs. This is apparently in admiration for the famous terrors of the sea. Modern science has determined that there is no reason at all for this behavior.

Apparently they drank this all the time.