McRib

The McRib. Is it a fast food taste delight so intense it can only be unleashed on the public in small increments or the most disgusting idea ever spawned from the bowels of the fast food industry? (Hint: it's both.)

Just The Facts

  1. The McRib consists of a slab of pork-like substance slathered in tangy barbecue sauce on a bun with onions and pickles.
  2. Despite being since discontinued as a regular menu item, the McRib still makes infrequent public appearances. Kind of like the Wachowski brothers, except delicious.
  3. Currently, voluntary consumption of a McRib does not require the signing of a liability waiver. That could change at any moment.
  4. The McRib was famously lampooned in episode 303 of The Simpsons when Krusty Burger introduced a new sandwich called The Ribwich.

The McRib: A Brief, Somewhat Factual History

The McRib is quite possibly the most polarizing fast food creation of all time. Just the mention of it can send most anyone into convulsions. For some, those convulsions are brought on by the mere thought of subjecting their gastrointestinal system to the hybrid Frankenstein like mash-up of rarely used pig parts that go into forming the McRib's meat-like patty. For others, the fits of spastic thrashing about are a result of fond memories of the orgasmic-like rush of joy that can only be achieved by indulging in a tasty McRib (or four).

Just like mom used to make

After testing well in the type of Midwestern markets where people willingly eat shit like venison or quail without getting so much as a recommendation from Anthony Bourdain first, the McRib was added to McDonald's menus nationwide in 1981. Sadly, in time the public's fascination with the tangy taste treat waned and the McRib was relegated to seasonal menu item status. For devoted followers, McRib season is akin to a weeks long national holiday celebrated via significant weight gain and frequent trips to the shitter.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Despite the furor that regularly accompanies the return of the beloved pork temptation, McDonald's announced in 2005 that the McRib would be discontinued following a "McRib Farewell Tour." Within seconds of the announcement, public protests erupted.* Several groups of McRib devotees proposed a trade in which the heads of other farewell tour regulars such as The Eagles or Kiss would be offered up as a sacrifice to the fast food gods in exchange for sparing the McRib.*

100% less necessary than the McRib

Thankfully, the farewell tour was just a publicity stunt. The McRib would go on to enjoy a second and third farewell tour and still pops up on McDonald's menus from time to time. Unfortunately, news of the ploy did not reach The Eagles in time. They were sacrificed in an elaborate ceremony in the McDonald's parking lot on West Lincoln Avenue in Yakima, WA shortly after the announcement of the McRib's supposed retirement.*

Rest In Peace...except for you, Don Henley

* indicates unverified fact or outright lie