Ducktales

Travel back to a time when a duck named Scrooge was breaking international laws, ruled over his own little quiet town with an iron wing (?), and could've paid for Richie Rich to clean his taint with a golden Shamwow

Donald who? Makin' it rain since 1947...

Just The Facts

  1. Scrooge McDuck was a peniless bootblack in his homeland of Scotland before striking it rich.
  2. Tipped with an American dime by a ditch digger, an insulted Scrooge headed to America to become rich and one day return home to kick that ditch digger's ass.
  3. In 2007, Forbes Magazine estimated Scrooge's fortune to be $28.8 billion dollars (Note to Donald Trump from Scrooge McDuck: bite it, jackass).

A-hole? Sure, But He's Rich...So Screw You

A self made success story from the native Sean Connery lands of Scotland or a penny pinching tyrant who has broken more backs to make it to the top than Madonna? After being tipped an American dime by a jackass of a ditch digger, Scrooge McDuck took the high road of not impaling him on a boot brush but traveling to America and getting "pi-zaid!"

He didn't get rich giving away free cars. Oprah...I'm looking in YOUR direction...

He was a penny pinching miser who was just interested in making more money for himself, centralizing himself in the town of Duckberg, which he owned, making him lord and master over the citizens of Duckberg who pretty much had to kiss his feathery ass or move to Disneyland.

And with people's 80's credit ratings being what they were, good luck with that

But then the duck that inherited the perfect name ran into the very thing that could slow down his money making schemes and screw up his bid to become the richest duck in the world...

Done screwing up the Mouse's money, right? Let's go piss on a rich relative's leg now...

When he was called back into service (I always thought the sailor outfit was a fetish thing. Go fig), Donald Duck needed to drop his nephews off in the care of a relative because no one else would take the three disciples of Satan in. Possibly feeling guilty for secret experimentation he had performed on Donald when he was younger, good old Uncle Scrooge took the three lads in. He had no idea a conscience would come with them.

Duck Tales....a woo...oo

PICTURED TOP RIGHT: The sum inheritence for Huey, Dewey, and Louie when Scrooge kicks the bucket. Don't spend it all in one place, boys

Eventually breaking through the gold encrusted shell around Scrooge's heart, he allows his grand nephews to accompany him as he travels the world to acquire treasures.

Which on most occassions he had no business acquiring considering the laws in most lands about visitors spelunking and making off with valuable treasures.

Sure...when SHE does it, no one complains. Wonder why that is. Got two reasons...two BIG reasons...

And when he would come across an ancient solid gold statue of a humanoid dog buried in the middle of an Amazonian jungle, where as he would've simply razed the forest and helicoptered the statue out of the jungle, NOW his nephews could provide a counterpoint to burning a number of animals out of their homes in a quest to make that green. We at home take that valuable lesson to heart as well.

Solid gold statue weighing several hundred pounds versus sparing the life of the Amazonian anaconda?

The statue can only kill you with its re-sale value. Plus, that movie sucked. Sorry, snake dude...

Why A Lot Of Millionaires Are Recluses....

But it wasn't just his nephews that helped the tight ass duck become more complete an individual. Scrooge had a plethora of associates that kept him on the straight and narrow:

Bentina Beakley / Webby Vanderquack

Scrooge's maid / nanny who was slated to watch over the three hellions never seemed to be able to do that simple task, ending up following along on the adventures to nursemaid the boys and usually triggering an ancient temple deathtrap to kill them all. All assumptions were to the fact that Scrooge was "gettin' him some" with Mrs. Beakley, Scrooge having a thing for a female duck with "more down" which Beakley certainly had covered.

Webby was the annoyingly cute little forth wheel who wanted to run along with Huey, Dewey, and Damian, possibly hinting at a future tendency to want to be more like the boys, prompting Mrs. Beakley to keep that pink bow tightly tied to the top of her little head.

Launchpad McQuack

You would assume a guy named after a key part of airflight, the safety of being on the ground would be someone you want around but after the FIRST time he crashed your plane into his afroementioned name, aren't you just sticking your middle finger up at the Grim Reaper by having him remain your pilot?

Gyro Gearloose

Could he invent the Internet? How about a diet soda that doesn't leave an aftertaste? No, this nimitz was given funding by Scrooge to invent and in his time on the show, most of his inventions would be ones that cause great strife or distress for his boss. Well, at least he didn't invent the world's first laser rifle and go postal. But don't rule out fan fiction of that though...

Fenton Crackshell aka Gizmoduck

An accoutant for Scrooge McDuck, when Scrooge refers to his fortune as being "liquid assets", Fenton dumps the old duck's money into a nearby lake. Instead of having Fenton shipped off to the nearest KFC, he's kept in Scrooge's employ and accidentaly stumbles across a powerful cybernetic suit built by Gyro Gearloose, turning the loser into a certified superhero known as Gizmoduck. Not dying within the first few minutes of wearing the outfit, he goes on to become Scrooge's security guard, still getting Scrooge and his money into dangerous situations but narrowly getting out of it by the end of the 30 minute episode.

Flintheart Glumgold

Another native of Scotland, he's considered the Second Richest Duck In The World, pissing him off to no end and forcing him to not only race Scrooge all over the world to beat him to long hidden treasures, but to try and steal Scrooge's money every chance he gets. If he'd gotten a sex change and romanced Scrooge, he could've divorced him and taken him for most of his fortune. But that's not in keeping with the Disney tradition. Fan fiction...it's out there...

The Beagle Boys

When the major criminals in the town that you live in dress alike and wear their prison numbers around their necks for easy law enforcement identification, you don't have a pantload to worry about. Fairly easily thwarted by the likes of Scrooge and his cronies, the only serious member of the gang is their overbearing mother Ma Beagle and she seems to be put out because she hasn't "had any" since her husband mysteriously disappeared during a bank job gone wrong.

I'm All Right, Jack...Keep Your Hands Off My Stack

It's Scrooge's driving force, the reason he came to the U.S., and the reason he doesn't get married. The Money Bin. An uncountable number of gold coins, money bags (with more gold coins), and the occasional denominations floating around when the duck goes swimming through it all.

Scientifically impossible to swim through these items < Fuck you, I'm rich! Cannonball!

When you think of Duck Tales, one of the things that stands out is good old Scrooge McDuck diving off of his diving board into his riches, a feat no one else can do. Who wouldn't want a place like this? A giant building looking over the working class peasants below, giving you the middle finger as you do the backstroke in your dinero. Of course, when you've got criminals like the Beagle Boys, even inept as they are, having to watch over your money all the time or having a worthless security guard who leads a double life as a screw up actually isn't so cool.

More money, more problems...I know, I know, I'm going somewhere with this...I promise...

Before Scrooge's skeleton crew came together, Scrooge's exploits included muscling a tribe off of their land to lay claim to a diamond mine but with the inclusion of four needy urchins, an old widower (I assume) that never cleans a mansion she's paid to, and three ducks in his employ that will certainly one day lead to his death, Scrooge McDuck has acquired something just as valuable.

A family.

And with that family, we were all treated to the adventures that delighted us all.

...a woo hoo...