Web MD

Web MD is a place that guides you through playing doctor on yourself, making you feel like you have enough experience and medical know-how to actually contradict your doctor and say, "No I'm pretty sure it's gout."

It does make psychiatrist's work very easy, however.

Web MD: Playing pretend doctor, well after the appropriate age to pretend.

Just The Facts

  1. Web MD was designed as a place you could get information about any symptoms you might be feeling, see the possible diseases associated, and become terrified and convinced you're going to die.
  2. Doctors look at Web MD the same way Thomas Jefferson might look at Sarah Palin.
  3. You have cancer.

Cracked on Web MD

We've all had a little scare from time to time. The strange headache that lasts for days, the weird swelling on your neck, blood in your stool, cysts on your penis, yada yada yada. At one point people would go to a doctor, the doctor would say it's nothing to worry about, and he'd usually be right. And the patient would breathe a sigh of relief.

Not anymore. Web MD came around in 2005 as a convenient place for people to search out what diseases matched their symptoms. What started out as convenience turned in to mass hysteria, when everyone realized all their symptoms matched those of cancer patients and the HIV positive.

It didn't matter that there are literally a fuckjillion illnesses that involve "stomach ache," people immediately latched onto the most awful and rare disease and called their doctor for an emergency meeting, only for him to say, "You ate forty chicken wings in one sitting. It's indigestion. Why are you here?"

But they don't buy it. They'll say the words every doctor has learned to loathe, "But I was searching on the internet, and..." It is at this point that a doctor contemplates how much he really wants to buy into this "First do no harm," bullshit and strangle the patient.

Fuck the Hippocratic Oath

Every doctor's response should be "Really? I've studied this for my entire adult life. Get the fuck out of my clinic."

Health care is a big issue today (whaaaaat?) and part of the problem is the rising cost of insurance. But maybe if people didn't get a Pet Scan every time they stubbed their toe it wouldn't be such a big deal.

Web MD is one of two sources to blame for people's growing irrational fear of incredibly rare diseases, and for people disagreeing with doctors despite their BA in english and medical knowledge limited to band-aid application

What's the other source?

It's not solved yet. There's still twenty minutes left.