Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers: The Movie is kinda like if someone made a movie based on a five-year-old's daydreams, but with worse dialogue and a healthy sprinkle of racism.

Under the masks, they're pretty much the same colors.

Our nightmares, condensed into one movie.

Just The Facts

  1. The movie replaces interesting vilains with a bad Robin Williams impersonator.
  2. If you were ten when this movie came out, it was your Lord of the Rings.
  3. Ivan Ooze, the villain with Nickelodeon-based slime powers, uses a misused children's toy to turn parents into slaves. You know, kind of like what Dr. Phil does.
  4. Kimberly was the 90's equivalent of Ginger from Gilligan's Island.
  5. The movie was a financial goldmine, and is the reason the show is currently on it's 50th or so incarnation, which is a little like Matrix if it were written by a four-year-old.

Background

There's already a Power Rangers topic, but briefly put, the Power Rangers are a group of teenagers given spandex and giant metal animals by a floating head and the little brother of the robot from Lost in Space.

Danger, Will Robin... I mean, Aye-yi-yi-yi-yi!

These teenagers fight a giant metal skeleton and an evil space witch (seriously) who instead of whomping all over the rangers with they're awesome space powers, instead send lackeys to do the job. This is possibly satire of any number of corporations and governments, but don't really expect anything that sophisticated in this movie.

Plot

Wait, you expect a plot? It's Power Rangers. Teenagers have high school problems, bad guy sends monster out that somehow makes the problem worse, teenagers fight Birdman-after-a-bender/clay zombies, monster becomes giant, teenagers use giant robots to kill monster who was simply following orders, teenagers solve their problems, everybody laughs, parents spend money on toys.

 

Braaaaiins!

Plot (Seriously)

(Sigh). Fine. After an expositional scroll that for which George Lucas should've recieved a royalty check, the aforementioned group of teenagers is enjoying a beautiful day by skydiving for charity, or something. Something about a comet.

The villains, Lord Zedd, Rita Repulsa, Goldar, and some pig thing, awaken Ivan Ooze: an evil being made of snot.

I'm the Booger-Man! Get it! The Booger-Man!

Ivan, proving to be a bigger douche than anyone expected, traps RIta and Zedd in, wait for it, a snowglobe. He then goes to the Power Ranger's base, makes an unfunny Brady Bunch joke, and mortally wounds Zordon, a floating head who turns out to be a dude in a hot tub, or something.

The Power Ranger, they're spandex suits now beyond their reach, travel to a far-off planet to seek an ultimate power, which has never been mentioned before, and will never be mentioned again. The television show explains this change of power via a big blue robot. The movie explains it with a Xena rip-off.

Giant blue robot? Naaah.

While Ivan Ooze enslaves hundreds of parents to dig up metal insects, the rangers fight dinosaur skeletons using ninja powers. We'd love have a joke for that, but it was, in fact, pretty awesome.

After defeating the statues from Ghostbusters, the rangers gain the ultimate power in the universe, which takes the form of the same costumes they were wearing earlier with diffent coins on their chests. Using giant robots based on animals, instead of the ones based on mythical beasts used in the show, the rangers fight Ivan's giant metal insects. They then fight Ivan himself, kicking him in the crotch sending him crashing into an oncoming comet, which seems like overkill.

The Power Rangers: fewer morals in a fight than Johnny.

The brainwashed parents awaken moments before jumping off a cliff, having been stalled by their kids who apparently forgot to call the police.

After the battle, the Rangers use deus ex machina so deliberate as to make the J.R.R. Tolkein spin in his grave to heal Zordon, and celebrate at the local hangout, watching a fireworks display in their honor, which you'd think would happen more often. Everybody laughs, parents spend money on toys, and a shudder goes down the spine of America as a franchise more unkillable than American Pie and more disappointing than George Lucas's last 5 movies is born.