Chicago Cubs

The Chicago Cubs are a Baseball team from Chicago. Baseball is incredibly boring, more boring than Golf. Imagine being more boring than Golf. Yeah.

More interesting than a cubs game.

Goat boy, you'll understand later.

This guy is fucking rediculous

Just The Facts

  1. A girl was given detention in her Elgin (A city in the suburbs of Chicago) High School for wearing a shirt that read 'FUKUDOME'. The particular shirt was actually a Jersey for the Cubs Japanese Outfielder.
  2. The cubs have never won the world series. There's only about 30-ish teams in the MLB, and the World Series has been around for atleast 100 years. Baseball itself predates radio.
  3. Surprisingly enough, the cubs sell out every game, and the fact is they don't suck. That still doesn't make the game interesting. Not in the least

Why the Cubs suck

In 1909, roughly a thousand years ago, or according to Creationists 1/6 of the Earths entire existence ago, there was a man who from here on will be referred to as 'Goat Boy' tried to bring a goat into the Cubs stadium, which is called 'Wrigley Field' because people who worked there used to chew Wrigley Gum often. I believe they now prefer Orbit.

Goat Boy was denied entrance to his goat, as seen here:

Goat Boy Gets Denied

Most people would understand why you wouldn't want a goat in well, anywhere. They eat everything! Pop cans, leather upholstry, which google says is spelled 'upholstery' well, fuck you. Plus they smell like goat, and this goat was wet from the rain, so it smelled like wet goat.

Goat boy, upset that his goat was denied entrance (We assume that the goat was his lover and they were on a date) decided to curse the Cubs. He said that because of not letting his goat in, the Cubs would never win a world series for 100 years. Given the fact that this was in 1909, and it's 2009,

Wait, 2009-1909....

Carry the 1...

Multiply the dividing agent...

Sacrifice a ram to Odin...

Yeah, that was about 100 years ago, which means that the Cubs would be able to win the world series this year. Of course, they have to get lucky.

His name is Albert Pujols, and he is amazing.

Harry Caray

Some time ago there was an empty room at the Cubs Stadium where they found an opium addict going on a rather long rant. When they deciphered his foreign tongue and found out that he was actually announcing the game in a very opium fueled and amusing way, they took him to the actual booth where they then fired the current announcer and gave him a real microphone, which to him was strangely more metallic and less edible that the hot dog he had been speaking into previously.

People liked him so much that even after his death they named things at the stadium after him, most notably the executive shitter.

Harry Caray is most famous for being played on SNL, to quote:

"My friends call me whiskers because I'm curious like a cat!"

"Did you say your friends call you whiskers because you're curious like a cat?"

"That's not why they call me whiskers."

Surprisingly that's not at all unlike his actual self.