Infomercials

Infomercials are commercials that are advertising a specialty product. They also serve as the cue that there is nothing left to masturbate to on network cable at 3 a.m.

damn you silk stalkings!

This is a man who takes people hostage at an Arby's, not a man who's ever given anybody good advice.

Just The Facts

  1. Before hosting a tv show about disgusting jobs, in front of people who do those jobs everyday, Mike Rowe sold sweaters on QVC.
  2. Being the host of an infomercial means never having to wait for a table at most Ponderosas.
  3. No one ever has needed an omlet that fast.

The History of the Infomercial

Informercials were probably created sometime in the late 80's when people become wore out from spending the last eight years snorting coke and dressing like gay cowboys.

"I am a serious actor"

To offset this newly adopted attitude a man from the future created a robot to sell things that looked as to be created by a five year old autistic child.

1.21 gigawats of beard.

It was only when this man became too powerful that the government created something to destroy him. He would be half man, half velicoraptor.

clever girl.

After a long and argious battle these two foes became friends and would team up to stop the most horrible enemy known to man kind. But the raptor man got his tongue bit off by a hooker and the beard dude died from dangerous levels of yelling and cocaine.

bought his drugs using five easy payments of 19.95.

So the world can only hope for another duo strong enough to take down the evil that still exsist.

"I'm eating your lungs from the outside."