Super Mario

Mario is one of videogames most influential and iconic figures . In his 100+ appearances, he has done everything physically possible including flying around in a raccoon suit.

This next game looks less than promising.

Just The Facts

  1. Mario was created in 1981.
  2. Mario can fly, turn metal, be invisible, be ice, shoot fire and be a frog. (of course)
  3. If you haven't played a Mario game then you haven't lived.

The games

Mario was introduced in the game Donkey Kong where he was simply known as jumpman. In this game, he was a carpenter (yes, it was a strange time) who, for reasons unknown, owned a pet Gorrilla named Donkey Kong. One day Donkey escaped his cruel master and kidnaped Mario's girlfriend. Mario then had to rescue his woman from the clutches of the ape while avoiding a barrage of barrels and trampolines (yes in japan, carpenters make only barrels and trampolines).

I'm coming, I'm coming. Just for that, no spin-off.

Mario later starred in another game called Mario Bros. in which he got a job as a plumber and obviously pissed someone off so they assigned him to the killing-turtles-and-lobsters-shift. After that came Super Mario Bros. arguably the most known game ever. In this game, he roamed the landscape of a kingdom full of vest-wearing musroom heads crushing living mushrooms and eating mushrooms that make him big and mushrooms that give him lives, did I mention that this game takes place in mushroom Kingdom. But regardless of the developers' fungal obsessions, this game was a hit. The game had two direct sequels, Super Mario Bros. 2 (Only released in the USA because Japan thinks they are too good for pink egg-launching transvestites) and Super Mario Bros. 3 (The game with the flying raccoon and frog mario nuff said.) This was followed by Super Mario World which introduced yoshi, a friendly green dinosaur who eats things and lays them as eggs. (no joke necessary)

You freak of nature!

You freak of nature!

After that came Super Mario 64 which added a whole new dimension to the weirdness and didn't feature Luigi because Nintendo fucking hates you! During the Nintendo 64 era Mario sarted poking his little italian nose into a crapload of other genres including sports, racing, (Yes angry commenters I know Super Mario Kart was for the Super Nintendo I just did that to make you angry) Board games and fighting. At last one real game arose from the sesspool of spinoffs during the gamecube generation, Super Mario Sunshine . Was it good? Meh, let's just say that if you aren't a sentient waterpack fanboy, you may be a little disapointed by this title. Let's just move on to Super Mario Galaxy the Jesus of Mario games.

And the meak shall inheret the earth.

blessed are the power stars.

Even though there may have been better Mario games in the past, never has the world needed hope as much as now. This game includes by far the best mario twist ever, it's in space! Mario is like Lando Callrisien if Lando was an italian plumber who kept a chubby star in his hat and turned into a bee.

Try to picture it, I dare you.

SMG was followed by SMG 2 which was like SMG except even better. If you are willing to overlook one extremely disturbing detail, then you are in for a good time.

The letters with stars on them spell "U R Mr. GAY" what is Nintendo telling me?

The movie

Hey, there was a movie? That's a bit strange. I wonder what they would do with these characters who have very little backstory or characteristics. It can't be that bad though, nintendo wouldn't let their flagship character star in any ol' piece of...

God help us all.