Fantasy Football

A KEY strategy to winning your fantasy football league is to choose players who all fit a nice THEME:

THEME: MEN WHO LOOK LIKE UGLY WOMEN

THEME: PEOPLE WHOSE LAST NAME IS

THEME: MANLY PLAYERS WITH PRETTY NAMES

Just The Facts

  1. Most top-tier wide receivers have the superhuman ability to spend the offseason avoiding prison.
  2. The primary target audience for fantasy football are people who used to beat up nerds, to take out their aggression after getting beaten up by jocks.
  3. Fantasy football is the sole reason to watch the Detroit Lions.

Cracked on Fantasy Football

It's important to remember that anything can be made into a fantasy sport. Try drafting a team of your relatives, scoring points for each time one of them goes to prison. Or combine the notion of stunning athleticism and prison likelihood (Cracked.com's Criminal Athlete Fantasy Draft Guide).

Also note that fantasy football strategy NEVER gets outdated. This is easily proven by referencing Cracked.com's 2006 Fantasy Football Draft Strategies. Note the first strategy: Don't draft Marshall Faulk because he probably won't play. This is EVEN MORE true today than it was in 2006, proving the article's extreme relevance.