Boy Scouts of America
The Boy Scouts of America (aka The BS of America, BS of A), is a conspiracy run by crazy gay sadists in order to traumatize America's youth.
Just The Facts
- The BS of America is a conspiracy run by insane homosexuals.
- Over 110 million Americans have had their lives permanently scarred by the BS of A.
- Only you can prevent Scouting from ever happening again.
Cracked on Boy Scouts of America
If you never were a Boy Scout, consider yourself lucky. If you have blocked all your memories of being a Scout, then consider yourself lucky as well. The rest of us have to struggle to cope every day with our past. The Boy Scouts of America (BS of A), is a dangerous organization and needs to be stopped now. By being aware of the horrors of Scouting, you can protect the next generation from the BS of A.
History
The Scouting Movement originated in the early 1900's with Lord Baden-Powell, who was a British Army officer (that is to say, a flaming homosexual). After obviously being inspired by Satan himself, he invited 22 boys to an island off the coast of England to "teach them the ways of Scouting". He soon wrote Scouting for Boys, which became a highly successful manual for aspiring pedophiles.
"I do say ol' chap, I am bloody queer" - Lord Baden-Powell
America has had a long love-hate relationship with Britain, and like most relationships, it has involved the exchange of venereal diseases. The Beatles, The Office, and poor dental hygiene are just some the things that we've caught thanks to our motherland, but the worst has been Scouting, by far.
The Boy Scouts of America was spawned in 1910, and it soon caught the attention of other organizations with "similar interests", like the YMCA and the Mormon Church, who helped it extend it's vile reach nationwide.
It's science.
Principles of Scouting
The Scouting movement claims to be focused on patriotism, strength, character and above all, absolute heterosexuality. However, experience tells us that more often than not this is just compensating for something.
Is anyone else getting a really creepy vibe from this?
The leaders of the BS of A are not only secretly gay and batshit insane, but they are completely sadistic as well. Every effort is made to ensure that Boy Scouts suffer as much as possible. Their motto, "Be Miserable", adequately reflects this. This is precisely why the outdoors is such a big part of Scouting. Despite the fact that humans have worked for millenia to get away from the bitch that is Mother Nature, boys are still hauled to the middle of God-knows-where in the name of "good ol' fashioned fun".
Look how much fun they're having!
Dangers of Scouting
First off, you seriously have to question the mental stability of anyone who thinks that sending a bunch of young boys into the wilderness with grown men is a great idea. Even on the off chance that the men happen to not be rapists, they're probably like most American men. That is to say, they're probably retarded as fuck, and putting them in charge of hyperactive teens is just asking for bad shit to happen.
Even if you avoid death by sheer stupidity, you still have god-damn nature to worry about. Hypothermia, hyperthermia, snake bites, spider bites, ticks, wolves, cougars, bears, floods, avalanches, forest fires, lightning and fucking poison ivy are all out to kill you, or at least just ruin your whole life.
Burn it... Burn it ALL down...
In conclusion, the Boy Scouts of America is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the cancer that's killing our nation.
Sigh... yet another person that is convinced that boy scouts are bad.
ReplyThe cancer that's killing our nation? Go look at a Boy's Life magazine and tell me that those boys don't have as much balls as you comedy writers. They camp in the woods and go into places that you are WAY too scared to go. We're prepared for whatever comes our way. That's what the motto is.
Hell, there's a chance we'd all be speaking german right now if it weren't for a boy scout volunteering as a lookout during WWII. He caught two german spies that were giong onto the shores of maine.
Homosexuality is banned from Boy Scouts for the same reason that girls can't join. This is terrible hate speech that should get you banned from the internet.
It's sad that people probably can understand the Ku Klux Klan better than they do the Boy Scouts of America.
This is poorly written, uninventive, repetitive, and blatantly offensive (not in a funny way). This guy clearly has a grudge against scouting and I'm a little pissed that Cracked was so pandering as to publish this bullshit.
ReplyI am heavily involved with Scouting, but I am also not a douche, so I am willing to laugh at it... if the jokes have some imagination. This article is just ridiculous hate speech.
in am a boy scout and you just gave me grounds to kill you slowly, painfully and in front of everyone you know. gays are banned from boy scouts, nature wont harm us because we are prepared for it and dont give a damn if it happens. we are not the stereotype and you clearly did no research and can burn in hell.
ReplyI get it the boy scouts are evil and gay, can't you atleast give as to why or sumthin?
ReplyThis was terribly done and extremely offensive. I'm guessing you were probably in scouts at some point. Because the little actual information you have is accurate to the point that most people who arent scouts wouldn't know. But making Scouts into one big gay joke is dumb because they specifically ban homosexuality.
ReplyYou missed it, the joke is about the latent homoerotic implications of sending just men and boys into the woods. The fact that BS of A bans homosexuals is just part of their cover.
Boo! you could have gone so much further with this...
ReplyThe boy scouts specifically ban homosexuality so the joke doesn't make sense and isn't funny
ReplyStarted interesting, but the joke was beaten into the floor.
Replynot funny
Reply