Hey Technohawk I really think you should label this thread as NSFW if you're going to be sucking cheese's dick here.

The thread was already locked, dude. You just unlocked it.

Zach makes a good point, although in a very roundabout way.

This is pretty much a forum for people who want to Cracked to consider their videos. I'm pretty sure the only reason that this subforum is open for everyone to see is that Cracked wants the comedy filmmakers to have enough criticism to improve, thus creating material more worthy of the front page.

I don't think this subforum should be some form of Gong Show, where we wait for retardation, and then jump in as fast as we can, elated in that we get to be cunts. It's just uncouth. It doesn't help Cracked at all, and it doesn't help the filmmakers. Really, the only purpose it serves is improving a post count, and some percieved self worth.

Whether it's John Cheese, or some copycat, it doesn't really change things.

You didn't give it enough tongue is what happened.

PMs and emails aside (and there have been many since this thread was awakened A MONTH AN A HALF after being originally posted), wake the fuck up.  Tech made a good point about the nature of this forum and the nature of this section within that forum.  That point is "don't get defensive and start lashing out against the critiques you receive."  Then he made a few jokes about how much of an asshole I am in this section, and the fact that others copy me without actually understanding what I do and why I do it.  That wasn't Zach's bitch.  Zach's bitch was that Tech was sucking my dick.  Personally, I could give a flying fuck less if both Zach and Tech got into a car and drove off of the side of a cliff Thema and Louise style and met their flaming deaths while drinking girly drinks and comparing tampons.  I don't know them - I don't care about them - my life goes on just fine with or without them.  They are faceless people on an unfeeling plane.  Love them both or fuck them both - it means the same thing to me.

If I tell someone, "go fuck yourself," it's because they've spent zero time on a video about them trying to reproduce a Jackass video.  Or they've gotten their friends drunk and filmed them trying to sing a Britney Spears song.  Or they're just making funny faces into a webcam.  Or they're trying to parody a song that is ALREADY A PARODY.

The vast majority of my other critiques actually contain information that, if read and taken to heart, can actually improve the piece.  I am an absolute dick about it.  I don't give a fuck if that makes you all sad inside or not.  Here's the probelm (and it's the problem that Tech was trying to point out):  other people on the forum read that shit and think that if they tell the poster that their video sucks, they're doing the same thing.  They're not in most cases.  And that's what makes those people rock-fuck stupid.

Here's the irony:  I actually do back up what most of these whiney fags are saying.  Don't go into a thread and just be a dick for the sake of being a dick.  But here's the catch:  when some fucking retard comes in here and posts something that was made in two minutes, if you don't call them on it, then this entire section will be filled with 100 other people doing the same exact thing every single day.  Calling people out on bullshit like that weeds out the below average scum that makes up youtube.

But say someone comes in and has put actual work into a video, but it still sucks... I still call them on it.  If it's REALLY bad, I do it in the same dickish way.  But most of the time, I'll do it in a way that lets them know where it all went wrong.  When I tell someone that I stopped watching at 1:14 into the video, it lets them know that their intro was bad.  It lets them know that everything that led up to that point needs fixing.  If I think that it will make the video legitimately watchable, I'll explain what actually went wrong - what jokes were cliche... what line killed the skit.

But what most of you crying little bitches don't ever bring up is the fact that I do compliment when a video needs complimenting.  In fact, since this section of the forum was created, I've called almost every single video that has made the front page.  I look at absolutely everything from the eye of the average web surfer, and I comment accordingly.  But I don't think that the average Cracked poster has the ability to do that without appearing to be a gangbanger.

This is not a place where the "if you don't have anything nice to say" rule applies.  But it's also not a place where you need to suck off every video you see just for the sake of being nice.  There's a fine line in what to say and what not to say.  I cross that line quite often.  I'm a dick.  I know that.  No, I'm not going to change anytime soon.  But in that same vein, that doesn't mean that everyone in here needs to pile on and start fucking whatever hole my dick is not currently inserted into.

Zach said what he said in the same exact manner that I use when I bust on videos.  I called him on it in the same way that he called Tech on it.  So be it.  People feel the need to be heard, which is why this forum and this section of that forum even exists in the first place.  But don't for one second think he was being all profound and making some deep point besides, "Technohawk, you were sucking off John Cheese and I'm saying this because it made me angry when I read it."  If you think that, then you are exactly that fucking stupid.

Wow, this thread is still open. I'm just going to go ahead and lock it, to avoid any future embarrassment.