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projectjulio
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« on: July 29, 2009, 06:10 PM »
I wish I were making this up. Then maybe there would be hope left for mankind. Unfortunately, this is for reals. http://consumerist.com/5279181/alert-crunchberries-are-not-real-berries
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tsolless
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« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2009, 09:33 PM »
I really do hate so many people right now.
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Nktalloth
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« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2009, 09:37 PM »
I feel sorry for federal judges.  They spend their lives in the legal system, with years spent learning to be a lawyer and then the years of experience needed to qualify for a judiciary position going into listening to a woman complain that "crunchberries are not real berries so I should get money".

God damn it.
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« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2009, 09:39 PM »
Did someone have to tell her Captain Crunch isn't a real captain?
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« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2009, 09:40 PM »
Just when I thought people were getting smarter...

But what hurt most was the line "this isn't even the first time someone has done this"...
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« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2009, 10:14 PM »
Quote
He found that their attack on "Crunchberries" should fare no better than their prior claims that "Froot Loops" did not contain real froot.

I always imagined that Crunchberries would be the subject of a lawsuit, but I was thinking that it would be because they are falsely depicted as delicious when in actuality they taste like a fermenting asshole.

I had heard in the past that sometimes you get coupons for free stuff if you mail a company and say that you really enjoy their product. So I sent off a drawing that suggested I was six years old with something like "Cap N Crunch is the best!" written over it hoping that in 4 to 6 weeks I would have a nice free box of cereal. Instead they sent me some toys to play with. What a waste of time for everyone involved.
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« Reply #6 on: July 29, 2009, 11:14 PM »
I hope she chokes to death on a BlackBerry smartphone before she can sue the Life Cereal people.
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Bloodvyper
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« Reply #7 on: July 30, 2009, 10:05 AM »
I think we can all look forward to future disclaimers on cereal boxes:

Crunchberries* WARNING CRUNCHBERRIES MAY NOT BE ACTUAL BERRIES
Captain Crunch* WARNING CAPTAIN CRUNCH MAY NOT BE AN ACTUAL BOATING OFFICIAL OR MILITARY OFFICER
Count Chocula* WARNING VAMPIRES MAY OR MAY NOT EXIST

The possibilities are endless. This takes that long "warning coffee may be hot" type of customer stupidity to a whole new level.
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« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2009, 10:38 AM »
I can remember badgering my mother into buying me Lucky Charms and being very disappointed that the marshmallows weren't squishy like "real" marshmallows.  They weren't "magically delicious" either.
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Bloodvyper
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« Reply #9 on: July 30, 2009, 10:41 AM »
There's also nothing charming about them either, I'm afraid.
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« Reply #10 on: July 30, 2009, 11:59 AM »
They also don't bring luck.
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projectjulio
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« Reply #11 on: July 30, 2009, 12:05 PM »
My favorite quotes:

Quote
"This Court is not aware of, nor has Plaintiff alleged the existence of, any actual fruit referred to as a "crunchberry."...So far as this Court has been made aware, there is no such fruit growing in the wild or occurring naturally in any part of the world."
Quote

Quote from: Staff on July 29, 2009, 10:14 PM
Quote
He found that their attack on "Crunchberries" should fare no better than their prior claims that "Froot Loops" did not contain real froot.
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kraken
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« Reply #12 on: July 30, 2009, 12:09 PM »
Marshmallows are meant to be white. Does God like multi-colored marshmallows?
And no. This comment is not a lesson in racism.
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« Reply #13 on: July 30, 2009, 12:30 PM »
My friend found a penny perfectly embedded into one of his frosted cheerios, wrote a letter to the company, and got a shitload of coupons for Frosted Cheerios. I'm note sure what the tone of the letter was, but that might of had something to do with it.
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« Reply #14 on: July 30, 2009, 02:27 PM »
See, this is why I don't eat breakfast cereals. They're nothing but lies.
This should remind us to eat a man's breakfast, like steak and eggs.
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« Reply #15 on: July 30, 2009, 03:01 PM »
For the longest time I thought that in order to get a bowl of Lucky Charms you had to capture a leprechaun and steal his.  Of course now that I'm older, I know perfectly well that you can buy it in stores and that leprechauns were wiped out by unicorns 58 years ago.
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« Reply #16 on: July 30, 2009, 03:59 PM »
This is just ridiculous. *sighs* I hate people



Quote from: Staff on July 29, 2009, 10:14 PM

I always imagined that Crunchberries would be the subject of a lawsuit, but I was thinking that it would be because they are falsely depicted as delicious when in actuality they taste like a fermenting asshole.

Now that would be a legitimate case.
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« Reply #17 on: July 30, 2009, 06:41 PM »
Quote from: Kraken on July 30, 2009, 12:09 PM
Marshmallows are meant to be white. Does God like multi-colored marshmallows?
And no. This comment is not a lesson in racism.




What? Cereal marshmallows are meant to be white:



They just have to use a different box.
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« Reply #18 on: July 30, 2009, 06:47 PM »
That sassy dallop of sperm sure makes me want breakfast.
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« Reply #19 on: July 30, 2009, 06:49 PM »
Quote from: Nktalloth on July 30, 2009, 03:01 PM
For the longest time I thought that in order to get a bowl of Lucky Charms you had to capture a leprechaun and steal his.  Of course now that I'm older, I know perfectly well that you can buy it in stores and that leprechauns were wiped out by unicorns 58 years ago.

It was by the hand of the bigfoot! Gawd!
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