- Contrary to popular belief, vampires cannot be killed by silver bullets. The only effective method of killing a vampire is to bring it great shame until it takes its own life.

- Roughly 76% of the world's population suffer from cancer. You currently have 6 months to live.

- Recent studies have shown that pregnancies are caused by atomic radiation.

- Dogs are less prone to drunk driving than their human counterparts. Conversely, humans are also less prone to sniffing asses in public (with the exception of certain countries in the Middle East where ass-sniffing is a form of greeting).

- I was once arrested for aggravated assault, but was let off easy on account of my huge dong.

The Amazon Rainforest is known as the "Lungs of the World" because all of its trees are reddish, squishy and full of ravioli.

Unless they smoke, in which case they're more blackish.

One should never order alveoli in an Italian restaurant, unless one is desirous of a good, hearty vomiting into one's own lap.

"Cheese" is actually not made from cheese at all, it comes from cow's tits!

- Although modern science still hasn't found a cure for the common cold, ancient Mayan civilizations from hundreds of years ago actually had a very effective remedy of their own: Ritual human sacrifice.

- The time it takes for "two shakes of a lamb's tail" to occur is exactly 3 minutes, which is about how long it takes to cook instant noodles.

- Monkeys are incapable of feeling love. They can only destroy.

- Adolescent males produce twice as much testosterone as the average adult, meaning they are twice more likely to think of Sex-Fucking.

- The Burj al Arab, the tallest hotel in the world, can be found in Saudi Arabia. It is widely speculated that the whole structure is made entirely of petroleum and suffering.

90 percent of these "useless facts" are bullshit:D

Here are some:

-To sweat like a pig, if understood litterally, means NOT to sweat at all, since pigs don't have any sweatglands.

-Besides humans, only the dwarf chimpansee/bonobo ape is known to engage in sexual intercourse only for the fun of it. It is also the only animal that is known to perform homosexual oral sex, and have eyecontact with its partner while "sexing".

One of the most commonly misspelled words is misspelled.

Food is usually, but not always, still good past its expiration date.

Salad is sucky.  This is an objective fact, not an opinion.

If you put a quarter under your pillow before going to bed, the Quarter Fairy will come in while you sleep and replace it with a fresh tooth.

Santa doesn't put coal in stockings.  If you find a stocking full of coal, it means your parents stole your gifts and replaced them with it.  In this case, beating up your mom and dad to get them to reveal where your presents are hidden is advisable.

A guitar amplifier turned up to eleven will often pick up echoes from ghosts.

The Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice."  The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person.  Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.

Buying beer with a fake ID will make all your peers respect you.

C is for Cookie, and that's good enough for me.

Cracked.com is the third most popular website in North Korea.
Only two sites there are not blocked by the government, so this is actually a billion-way tie.

The first and last digits of Pi are both three, as determined by 13 year-old Alistair Hucksley using his ruler.
If one is confronted with a murderous phalanx of succubae, an awkward pause followed by an invitation to tea will adequately disperse their intentions of eating you.
Conversely to popular thought, all thought first thought by the Kraken.

Guitars are, in truth, simply cellos rotated 90 degrees. Those angsty teenagers are actually covert Philharmonic Orchestra Militants trying to convert you to their insidious sect.

I haven't seen a deer in awhile.

If you have a dog, you probably think it's a nice animal.

I am not a big fan of stalkers and people who know too much.

You will never be able to touch the sun.

-Spring love will come back to you if you make a catchy song about it.

-The color yellow is more of a bright yellow.  The color dark violet red is actually roast beef vagina.

-Mr. Ed, the horse, had ties to the Chinese mafia, and was involved in the death of karate chop dancer Bruce Lee.

-Cypher in the Matrix loves steak!

-Actress and Indiana Jones-raper Collista Phloch-Heart's name is actually spelled Calista Flockhart.

-Tiny elephants live in your ear to produce that ringing sound when they get scared of hornets nearby.  Also Unicorns.

-Despite popular legends, sex was invented in 1683.

-Toe jam is not actually jam.  It is a preserve.

-Cunnilingus is not a language, nor is associated with any known languages in this dimension and 12 others.

-Fort Bragg doesn't often.

-A makeshift tent can be made of anything.

-Ronald McDonald does not believe in magic.

-Steven Spielberg's worst film is A.I.  Not Minority Report.

-The stratosphere has nothing to do with Stratos from He-Man fame.

-Aliens exist and they cross the border into Arizona every day.

-A shogun is not a samurai.

-Clowns are afraid of tears.  Even sad ones.

-Mustard can make you cough.

-Blood is the only food zombies say 'Yum!' after eating.

-Penis can be made to look bold.

-Karen Carpenter died from her walk across the Kalahari without water and a refusal to drink her own urine and not from choking on a chicken sandwich, like the media has led us to believe.

-Paris Hilton was not born in Paris nor in a Hilton.  It happened in a Spring Hill Suites by Marriot in Dyersburg, Tennessee.

-Camping can force you to poop in the wilderness in places where animals roam.

-Cows were among the most sacred animals in ancient Greece because they could stare you down when it came down to a staring contest, which can be intimidating.  Cow-eyed refers to the goddess Hera, because of her jealous nature, her fiercely piercing stare, and her ability to beat cows in staring contests, most notable in the '82 Olympic games.  Sacred cows, mind you.  Sacred like a deity.  This is why we have the term "I swear to Hera" today.

-Leonardo had two ninjaken.  Raphael had the two sai.

-ASU (Arizona State University) is the largest University of drunken frat boys.

-Susie sells seashells but they're not seashells by the seashore.