After weeks of diplomatic and legal wrangling, the release of Afghan Christian convert Abdul Rahman was announced yesterday. Rahman had been charged with Christianity on the basis of his 'Honk if you Love Jesus' bumper sticker and unwillingness to prostrate himself before the miraculous Holy Chicken of Kyrgyzstan that spoke the name of God and which lays eggs almost on a daily basis.

"We began to suspect he was an infidel when he doubted the beautiful voice of the Singing Eggplant of Abu Bakr" said former friend Munir Shakir, describing the famous musical vegetable that made headlines throughout the Islamic world by chanting verses from the Koran every weekday evening and twice on Saturdays. Fourteen thousand pilgrims were killed in riots outside the Eggplant's home in May last year. "Then, when he suggested that the Sacred Lizard of Rabat hadn't written those limericks praising the mercy and wisdom of Mohammed, we had no choice but to call the police."


The Sacred Wigged Dog of Basra.

Rahman's crime carries the death penalty and is based on an obscure part of Islamic law relating to the attributed sayings of the prophet Mohammed, called hadith. The hadith in question relates how Mohammed befriended two men called Chris and Ian on the road to Medina who were unwilling to throw stones at some women who laughed at the Prophet's juggling toad. Exasperated, the Prophet cursed Chris and Ian "who doubt the miracle of the performing amphibian." Following centuries of study and argument, Islamic scholars consider that Mohammed intended the parable to apply to all disparaging comments made by Christians about stories concerning holy goats, poultry, reptiles and female pelicans as well as the entire vegetable kingdom excepting broccoli.

Political pressure including intercession by Afghan president Hamid Karzai, the Pope and a letter from US President George Bush had no effect on the case. At the last minute however, the charges were dropped when Afghan lawyers were able to demonstrate in court that the Chicken of Kyrgyzstan had in fact been possessed by a Djinn, or demon, and was not of sound mind to testify.

Following Rahman's release, angry locals gathered outside town jails chanting their traditional cry of "Death to Bush". This was interpreted by passers by as a call for the destruction of the Yodelling Hedge of Baghdad and the subsequent fighting resulted in the deaths of 58,000 people.