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[Kereal_Ciller]

I wrote some emails to companies! It was fun! Now you can read them! If they respond I'll update you all! Exclamation mark!

Sent to : jimsrepairjimstractors.com

I am interested in purchasing a snow blower. I accidentally dropped my previous snow blower down the well in my back yard. I was out blowing the snow and I went to set down the snow blower to take a break and dropped it right down into the well. When if fell due to the gravity it broke into a million pieces. I fear I will be drinking those pieces for the rest of my life.
Snow were I live is often very tall. What kind of snow blower that you offer do you think I should purchase. Money is not important to me. Though I have very little, I am very foolish with it and am willing to pay any price for a snow blower. The last snow blower I bought cost five thousand dollars and my first and third draft choices.
Also I am unsure if you sell ladders but if you have a ladder long enough for me to get to the bottom of my well I would appreciate any information on that as well. I need to retrieve my snow blower, my push lawn mower, a ladder, 12 remote control cars, 3 horse shoes, a bag of concrete, a BBQ, a baseball bat, an HP printer, a tire, an air conditioner, and The Scent of a Woman on VHS. Scent of a Woman may sound like a lame movie but its got Pacino at his best.


Sent to:
BrownsLampshades.com

I am sort of a self described collector of lampshades. Recently my home was burnt to the ground during a lightning storm. I lost all of my most precious lamp shades. I am on a quest to rebuild my collection of lampshades ranging from average run of the mill lampshades, to expensive collectors lamp shades. I saw your site and was very impressed. I am writing this email to give you a list of my lampshades to see if you have any of these pieces, or if you may be able to acquire them for me. I am willing to make it very worth your while.

If you are interested in this business please let me know and I will forward you a list of the pieces I am interested in acquiring. A short list of them would include: The Tiberian 9000 Deluxe Lightblocker, The Donald Davindian Shade of Extasy, The Golden Rope Shade, The Pure Glass Glasshade, The Nightshade, and anything made of real pure ivory.

Sent to:
nystudenthousing.com

Hello my name is Nathan Buford. I was looking for a place to stay a few months within NYC and I came upon your site and I wanted to ask a few questions before moving ahead with this. I am interested in the single unit, I have no room preference.

My question is due to my condition. I am a dinosaur. I am literally a dinosaur sent forward in time to find a way to stop the end of the dinosaur race. I have been looking for a place within NYC for many months because I believe this city holds the key. I have been denied repeatedly. I believe this to be because if I do in fact stop the Armageddon that wipes all of us dinosaurs off the face of the earth it will change the future(your present) in unpredictable ways. I would also like to say that I personally am not completely sure that my changing the past will actually affect YOUR present in any way. I actually believe that if I travel back and change the past rather than changing your existence, it will spawn its own alternate reality where men and dinosaurs share the world. In other words more of a Sliders thing rather than a Back to the Future thing. Please just take it under consideration.

I hope you can see past this and allow me to stay within one of your units. I am willing to pay any price, but I will be paying with sexual favors rather than money.

Thank you for your time,
Nathaniel Buford

Sent To:
buytigers.com

Hello. I am very interested in buying a tiger. I am a 22 year old man. I live in Ohio with my parents. I feel a tiger would make me happy. I would let it sleep in my bed with me. I would feed it the finest foods. I would brush its fur and its teeth as necessary. I would love it alot. I would buy the tiger toys so I could have fun with my tiger. I will name tiger Dr. Wiggelbottom.
I am interested in making this purchase and receiving my tiger from you as quickly as possible. I am so rich I have a fully staffed McDonalds IN MY HOUSE.

[Chronicles]

I stopped reading when you claimed Scent of a Woman has Pacino at his best.  That is a sentence so false that even saying jokingly deserves condemnation. 



CONDEMNATION!

[kirbstir]

To "whome" it may concern?

Why, who is Whome? And it may concern what?

[HyperGlavin]

I thought those emails were pretty funny. Keep up the good work, Kereal.

[simplymomm]

I thought they were pretty funny too. Let us know if they respond.

[Pvt.Biscuits]

I think it's only fair that I explain why I didn't like Kereal's post. Apart from the generally poor spelling/grammar/punctuation (which I know is a trivial issue, but it still irks me), I just don't understand why someone would go out of their way to waste the time of people who haven't done anything to warrant it. It'd be different if they'd been spamming you or something, but as it is you just came across to me as a jerk who was annoying people for no apparent reason.

I had to deal with phone and email enquiries for a while last year. The number of stupid and/or irritating emails (whether accidental or as intentional attempts to be funny) I had to sift through was ridiculous, so these sorts of emails got old really fast. I guess I'm still carrying a bit of a grudge against the people who sent those messages.

For what it's worth Kereal, I'm sorry I reacted to your post in such a douchey way. I don't like it, but I certainly could have told you that without being a dick and taking a cheap shot.

[Navigator2001Plus]

I deleted the douchey replies from everyone, but am leaving your response here since you've made your point.

I've also cleared out the attempts to derail the thread. Don't go into a thread saying "Hey, this thread is about foxes now" unless the original post is absolutely 100% mind-fuckingly retarded and worthless. If you can't tell when it would be appropriate, then just don't do it.

[fais_attention]

Sounds a little too much like these, with a few key words changed.

http://www.amazon.com/Letters-Nut-Ted-L-Nancy/dp/0380973545

[HyperGlavin]

Apart from the basic premise (which I doubt was very original to begin with), I can see very little in common between that book and the emails in this thread.

[BondFiction]

They both use words, so he is clearly copying.

[MrPossumJenkins]

thorough read, thorough laughs.

thorough job kereal

[Kereal_Ciller]

Sounds a little too much like these, with a few key words changed.

http://www.amazon.com/Letters-Nut-Ted-L-Nancy/dp/0380973545

Didn't even realize this existed. Maybe I'll pick it up sometime.

Also
1) whome was just a typo.
2) people can go ahead and talk shit if they want, that's what the internet is for

[Kalli]

[ex.belle]

Not true.  The internet is for porn.

[Kamikaze Phoenix]

I assumed you had read the books (there's at least 2 that I know of). If not, you are probably going to love them. They're pretty damn good. Ted L. Nancy didn't invent the idea, but his work in this field is notable.

I think with this kind of thing, you have to balance the crazy with the "bait" (the idea that you have interest in their company, and want to spend money). I've tried it before, and it's actually not that easy.

I hope you'll do more of these.

[Ikeman04]

All I can think of when I see the thread title is this little saying I heard somewhere: "It's not the bullet with your name on it that you have to watch out for, it's the one addressed 'to whom it may concern'"

[Nickaluh]

Even more hilarious than these letters are the fact that people have almost certainly written similar ones, except they weren't kidding. Not okay, humanity. Not okay.