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[pancaks]

-If you catch a leperchaun, they are forced by Leperchaun code to show you where their gold is.

-If you catch Kirk Cameron, he is forced by the Cameron Clause to not appear in films for seven years.

- I have not been able to catch Kirk Cameron.

- Another straight to DVD Left Behind is in the works.

[Gibbo69]

Donkeys do not use guns. When donkeys fight each other they do it at night, blindfolded and with swords.

Earwigs make chutney.

Tofu is made of 100% hamster earwax.

The chicken came first, on the egg.

The internet is the best way for you to find a girlfriend.

Bees do NOT make honey, they buy it from squirrels.

[pancaks]

-74% of all home burglaries are committed by burglars, while 16% are commited by Charles Bronson and 10% are committed by bears.

-Coinsidentally, 100% of all a pick-a-nick basket thefts are commited by Charles Bronson.

-Charles Bronson likes to watch the big game on your stolen TV eating your girlfriend's egg salad sandwiches.

-Dolphins are the second smartest creatures on Earth, bested only by Don Cheadle.

-You're lungs adapt to breath water if you take in enough.

[TuoDecaps]

-It is impossible to be attacked by cougars in Colorado due age old anti-cougar legislation.

-Colorado cougars are filing a class action suit against the state of Colorado for these transgressions.



Pictured: Cougar

[Verminator]

The animal with the most tentacles on the planet is the bumblebee.

It is impossible to get down off the back of an elephant. You can only get down from a duck.

At this moment in time, a man is having sex with a dead cat.

[Darkrenown]

70% of your body is made from stuff.

[Wicket]

- According to God (plays Morgan Freeman in "Wanted"), only a few people in the world have the power to curve bullets.

- I cannot and now Lara Croft is bleeding profusely.

- Knocking a police officer unconscious with a tire iron will get you out of a ticket 9 times of 10.  Otherwise they will stand up, shake their head disapprovingly, and continue writing the ticket.  At this point, you should resort to flattery. (Considered useless because nobody carries a tire iron in their front seat.)

- 5 out 7 deaths occur on a week day.

- 100% of Monopoly games end with hostility.

- 99% of Monopoly players are "always the car."  The other 1% are the thimble because they will never get to be the car and should not aspire to it.

[Kicsi Viz]

-If you catch a leperchaun, they are forced by Leperchaun code to show you where their gold is.

I WANT ME TOES!

[TheRedFish]

Penuins have an organ that turns salt water into fresh water.

I read that as penises.

[Detective Dullight]

-Flash drives can't hold the music of 2 Live Crew

-All sun glasses are manufactured and shipped from Brighton, England

-If you were to keep all the receipts that you accumulate in a year, you'd find the number 23 approximately 3,564 times and it still wouldn't mean anything.

[Green Peace]

Most of that stuff is urban legend. you should find out if its really true first.

[ominousoat]

If something is funny it will inevitably be made unfunny by unfunny people within two pages of the initial funny.

Funny is the only known palindrome in the English language.

[caustictoast]

If you really, really, really, really, really, really wanted to, you could fly.




_{I never said it would end well, though}

[Mongo]

My penis is 17 feet long.

I was black-listed by the porn industry after killing three co-stars in one day.

Being stupid makes you live longer if you're a fly.

[Dylan]

-The Tasmanian devil is the MOST aggressive mammal IN the world.

-The Tasmanian TIger was the MOST piss weak Tiger that EVER lived and then got extinct within a few years of being discovvered.

[Dylan]

AUSTRALIA is now the fattest nation on EARTH, suck on that America.

NO ONE cares about TASMANIA

STEVE IRWIN'S daughter bindi is the MOST annoying bitch to EVER appear on T.V.

I REALLY want a DR. PEPPER but there's nothing i can do about it.

MOST of the world HATES America.

[Nedroid]

Well, that's all the facts in the world.