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[Kicsi Viz]

Clearly he's Mister Rogers' brother, not mine.

[Dr Awkward]

Wait, Mr Rogers doesn't have genitalia?

That still doesn't explain why he tried to kill Glenn.

[Kicsi Viz]

No, that's perfectly normal Glennicidalia.  Everybody has that.

[Glenn]

First my dad tries to kill me, then my long lost brother claims to have a fratricide boner.

Why deny our relationship? Would you be less self-conscious if I purchased some prosthetic genitalia for you? I know it would make me less self-conscious about glancing at your bulge-less crotch. Why don't you love me, brother? A brother isn't like a jock-strap. You can't let your mother buy you one to keep up appearances and then throw it away in despair when she isn't looking.

[Nedroid]

I'm amazed at how quickly this thread got really, really bad.

[Glenn]

So bad it's good?

[Contrary]

Sadly, neither of my parents ever tried to kill me, but my mother did break my toe. She stepped on it while giving me a kiss.  She wasn't a delicate woman.

Now some might say that my little story pales in comparison to almost being crushed by a tree/tractor/minivan/large outcropping of rock, but I notice in each of these stories, even though y'all almost died, you actually managed to escape with no injury whatsoever.

Whereas I had a fucking broken toe.

[ZeroDay]

When I was a kid, I used to have to take a train to New Orleans to visit my father, his wife, and his red-headed step child (that's actually not a joke). During the summer, my father decided that it would be brilliant if my older brother and I accompanied his family on a roadtrip from New Orleans to Cheyenne, Wyoming where my step-monster was riding in a rodeo. We towed her horse, Lightning, behind his little Ford sedan in one of those huge horse trailers (I guess you aren't allowed to make the horse run behind the car). Anyway, we go to Cheyenne (no offense anyone from Wyoming, but your state is literally the epitome of hell on earth, native american paraphernalia, old cowboys, and fucking ridiculous people everywhere) and on the way back, we're speeding on the highway when suddenly the horse trailer behind us jolts twice and falls over on its side, almost turning the car over along with it. We skidded off the road and my dad, his wife, and my older brother somehow manage to turn this trailer back on its wheels. Inside, Lightning has broken its back, having slipped in its own shit. I don't really think that's funny or anything, just kind of pathetic. We ended up paying this Mexican woman to let us take the horse in her backyard, shoot it, and then bury it. Then we all watched Jaws 2 on her couch.

Now that's what I call a sticky situation.

I don't know if that counts as my father almost killing me. It just felt like a true story of my life that needed to be told.