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[Sa9jev]

All this relationship talk has got me thinking of all the terrible/hilarious/awkward as fuck first dates I've had in the last couple of years, and I thought I'd share a couple here.

One memorable one happened when I was about 19. I worked with this very cute girl with all sorts of piercings and stuff. She was by far the cutest girl in the office (as we were telemarketers, and back then few telemarketers were cute girls). Well, we hung out at work every day and one thing led to another as it usually does, and she agrees to go out with me on her birthday.

We went out and ate and everything was cool, then we went back to her place where some friends were throwing a surprise party for her. An hour or so goes by, and she gets TRASHED. She decides it'd be a good time to start stripping for everyone. I of course had no problem with this. Again, one thing leads to another, and after everything we hung out some more with her friends. I wandered off to get something to drink and hang out with some other people at the party, and come back to find her in her room with 4 or so people smoking meth out off of some strips of foil. That's when I SHOULD have left, but she offered to let me spend the night. As she was only the second person I'd ever slept with, I agreed despite the meth antics.

So I go to sleep while she is shaking and shit, and I was awakened by a terrible pounding on the door and window. Turns out she didn't pay her dealer for the meth she smoked, and he was pissed. THAT was why she wanted me to spend the night. I pretty much spent the rest of the night in a corner clutching a knife, as I was not about to be gunned down at 19 by a drug dealer, and I was still pretty naive back then.

So yeah, share some stories. First date, last date, a date that turned out to be both, whatever.

P.S. - I looked for a topic about this and didn't really find one, so just delete it with my apologies if there is one.

[Drowned God]

Well, there was a good looking girl I knew in my sophomore year of high school who, for reasons that I couldn't understand, was interested in me. I was sort of perplexed at the time, but I figured that questioning a good thing was a bad idea, so I just sort of went with it. I asked her out for dinner, and she said yes, and I was pleased with myself.

The night before I was going out to dinner with her, I got a call from her wherein she explained that she had purchased a pair of fucking cat ears that she would like me to wear. I finally realized why she was interested in me: she was an anime loving japanophile weeaboo, who by some freak accident happened to be good looking. At the time, I was thin, had lots of untrimmed black hair that stuck out at all angles, and a slightly too small nose. She liked me because I looked like the human version of the main male protagonist of every anime movie ever, and, being the japanophile she was, she was also into guys who wear cat ears and have wings and have sword guns and oh fucking jesus christ it was horrible.

Anyway, I guess this doesn't really count as a first date story because I freaked out and called it off, but there you have it.

It wasn't worth wearing the cat ears. Almost. Almost. But not worth it.

[drunkpiano]

Let's see... oh!

I had been trying to get a girl to go out with me for a few weeks, let's call her "Mandrea" and she finally asked me to take her to her prom. I hate proms, but I figured I'd go anyway. I guess you could classify this as a first date.  We were having a decent time, but I got sick of her spending most of her time with her friends. I ended up meeting another girl, let's call her "Carla" (I figured I'd change the first letter to a C, not realizing that Carla is also a fairly common name, as opposed to a chuckly-worthily uncommon one as I was hoping) and we talked all night. We really hit it off, we seemed perfect for each other. At the end of the night, Mandrea wanted me to go out to eat with a bunch of her stupid friends and I said no. Then I asked if she could find another ride and bailed on her with Carla. Carla and I hung out and it was basically a date. Then she found out that I like alcohol and said that she doesn't date anybody who drinks.

So as tame as it was, it was basically a first/last date, followed by another first/last date in the same night.

[Remington]

The last date I had with each of your mothers was pretty good.

[drunkpiano]

The last date I had with each of your mothers was pretty good.

Yes, my mother is a good date.

I know from experience.

[BurningSky]

About a year ago, I met this girl at an open mic night. It was just before I was leaving for home for winter break, so we talked online through Christmas and New Years, then she invited me to come up and hang out with her for a night. I drove up to to Trenton and met her at a local show, then we went back to her place. She introduced me to her attractive friend, then took us to her friend's apartment. Now, this girl was an absolute hippy. She had spent a year touring the USA in her conversion van which had peace signs and hippie sayings spray painted all over it. Her friend was the slacker type who had dropped out of high school and still lived with her parents at the age of 21. At her (male) friend's apartment, we all hung out, smoking weed and drinking beer. All of a sudden, I get this vibe that the girl I came up to see wants to hook up with the guy who lives in the apartment. I get all these signals from slacker girl, and she takes me outside to the hippie van. We end up stealing the van and driving it 45 minutes to the beach, where we stay up for a bit talking then fall asleep in the van while spooning. We wake up a few hours later and get completely lost trying to find our way back to Trenton. When we do get there, I get in my car and drive home. I never talked to anyone involved again...

[Melancholic Goat]

We drank loads of beer and did loads of drugs then had loads of sex.

It was great, and I am awesome because I had sex.

[The Iron Colonel]

You know who is also awesome? Me, because I do drugs and have sex. All the time. And now everyone knows that we are both awesome.

High five!

[Melancholic Goat]

*high fives Iron Colonel while smoking a fat joint*

[The Iron Colonel]

So...you wanna do drugs and have sex together? It could be pretty awesome...

[Melancholic Goat]

It will truly be a memorable first, and last, date.

[not terribly clever]

I went out with this guy once. He seemed really nice but turned out to be a real drama queen. We went to a restaurant in my neighborhood.  It was convenient and casual but the food was always good. They brought us some salsa and chips while we waited for the main course. He got totally pissed off because they used canned tomatoes in the salsa and started making a huge scene. He got all Lovecraftian. He started doing this really weird flashing thing and a woman sitting at the table next to us had a seizure. When the paramedics showed up he started yelling stuff like "Ia! Ia! Yog-Sothoth!" It got so bad we had to leave before they brought us our dinner. I was so embarrassed that I can't go back to that restaurant anymore. He told me he was an accountant but it turns out he was really some blind idiot god. After that, I started doing background checks on all my dates.

[Drowned God]

*high fives Iron Colonel while smoking a fat joint*

You'll get arthritis and then we'll see who's laughing.

[Sa9jev]

So I met up with this girl from Craigslist, and we sent a few emails back and forth chatting and shit, no big deal. We decided to meet up that weekend and have a date. She called me that Saturday afternoon and said she'd be going out of town, so we couldn't go out, BUT she just happened to be working on a movie that day and asked if I wanted to come down.

Her: You can hang out while we film if you want.
Me: That sounds cool.
Her: Oh yeah, and the director just said we need some people if you're interested.
Me: Really? Wait a minute, what kind of movie is this?
Her: A zombie movie. You'd be a zombie.
Me: Sign me the fuck up.

Then this happened:


It was fun. I got shot a bunch with a machine gun and did an impromptu face plant down about six stairs. The director wasn't expecting it, so he stopped filming to see if I was okay. I leaped to my feet and said "sure thing, guy." Then he asked if I was okay doing it again. I ended up falling down those stairs six times or so. It was awesome. Never went out with the girl again though. She was way, WAY too into renaissance fair stuff for my taste.

[loveforlennon]

*high fives Iron Colonel while smoking a fat joint*

You'll get arthritis and then we'll see who's laughing.

What? Were you stoned when you wrote this reply? Or am I too stoned to understand what you're trying to get at?

[wophugus]

My most memorable first and last date can be summed up in just nine words:

I broke into the zoo and raped a monkey.

[Llohr]

...Dad?

[wophugus]

Ah... er... *blushes*

Look, this happens from time to time , and I've prepared three little quotes to deal with it:

"You may be my son, you may not be.  When a bear walks the forest floor he knows not how many insects he crushes; he merely knows there were many."

"I legally disclaim paternity."

"You cannot make a baby by sodomising a male howler monkey."

[Llohr]

I understand, and don't worry. I wasn't going to go looking for back child-support. I make a pretty good living working furry conventions.

I... I just... I just wanted someone to be proud of me.

[wophugus]

Well then LLohr, meet Lightning Count. 

You just found your new father figure, kid.  Try to keep him away from attractive retards.