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[raknade]

I can see that I've said penis, out of nowhere. Everything!

[ltchimpo]

"You know what I like in a girl?" (What?) "My dick" (turtle, drama and e: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!)

"So, when was the last time you lived out repressed memories of your father?"

"I'm hung like a horse." (Reeealllly?) "Well... a seahorse, but... tomayto, tomahto"

Or the one I use when asking a girl to dance, Greg Geraldo I thank you:

"Mind if I knock my half-hard dick against you for a few minutes?", best reply I've ever gotten (besides the "you're a dork line") is "only half hard?" Oh. it was beautiful... then we started talking politics and it went to all hell.

But seriously, you want a pickup line it's:
"Hi, having fun tonight?" yes, no? "Who are you here with?" then ask simply make shit up: "Did you see those two girls fighting outside?" then lay on some bs story about a chick fight, "have you ever fought with a girl/friend/boyfriend?" (you kinda have to feel out the body language at this point), then listen to their story, say you had fun talking to them but the people you're with are going to head to another bar, "this has been fun, what do we have to do to continue this conversation?"    at this point you'd hope she'll toss out her phone number, rather than "get my boyfriend's permission"

[thewayoutisthrough]

Earlier in this thread the line "Excuse me, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" was mentioned. I would just like it noted that a friend of mine used this with the end result of sex.

Let's all think about that for a minute, and also snicker because i said "end result".

[Kicsi Viz]

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are...holy shit, you're a dude!"

[Jezzibell28]

"Let's get drunk and take advantage of each other. Or, I could get drunk and you could just take advantage of me. Or, you can stay here and get drunk and I can go home and take advantage of myself. Either way, the choice is yours."

[BigEasterCake]

Let's not turn this rape into a murder.

[scarlet_fuzz]

*Slaps handcuff on to wrist* "In about twenty minutes, you'll realize how totally and completely FUCKED you are."

[akvinsc]

1) Did you fart?
Cause you blew me away.

2) Are your parents retarded?
Cause ya sure are special.

3) My Love for you is like diarrhea.
I can't hold it in.

[drman321]

Girl I want to draw your blood a pint at a time for months and keep it in my fridge until I have enough that I can bath in it.

[Quagmar]

Your artificially engorged milk sacks appear to be pleasure to me, and I wish would like you to rub my front groin with your female shoulder feet. I will purchase distilled potato water for you to ingest to make happy the effort.

[not terribly clever]

Okay, I got the "I like your boobs" and "I'll buy you a drink if that will help" parts but I'm not sure exactly where you want to rub your front groin. Are you just planning on aiming for somewhere between the shoulder and the feet? You might want to clarify that. You could also just club her over the head while she's staring at you with a confused look on her face.

[Quagmar]

Good daytime, American English typer! Your lizard appears to have the happy face of smiling. Admire my silver neck bracelet and maybe you wish to make my lizard a happy face as well?

[Gamoc]

I like Mini-Me's in Austin Power's Goldmember;

'Is there a little clone inside you?'
'No'
'Would you like one?'

Or something like that.

[not terribly clever]

Good daytime, American English typer! Your lizard appears to have the happy face of smiling. Admire my silver neck bracelet and maybe you wish to make my lizard a happy face as well?

Slow down, Buckaroo.  Does making your lizard a happy face happen to involve my female shoulder feet?

[Quagmar]

I am must to think it will involve the feet of protruding from the upper torso. It may also partake in areas on the woman body I cannot ever see because of the black squares. I try to look around black squares to see shadowy parts but I run out of television screen.

If you come around to my apartment, I can show off my fishbowl that holds many shiny things, and my stainless steel pans where I create condensed soups. I have enough quantity of soups to provide for a guest happy lizard.

I must be truth and reveal I am not handsome mighty buckaroo, but I build furniture for kitty cats to scratchy upon. I make many dozens of dollars and can provide sleep accommodations on green cots I previously grab from YMCA. 

[not terribly clever]

You're trying to sell me linoleum flooring aren't you? You're going to trick me into coming to your apartment with promises of shiny things and freshly heated soup and then BAM! out come the linoleum samples. Oh, I've met your type before and I'm not falling for it again.

 

[Quagmar]

Oh happy lizard, I not sell linoleum. What I offer is marmoleum, and it sell itself with no effort by me. When shiny things become affected by loss of container, they no dent mighty marmoleum product. It arrive in 6 colors of assortment: brown, mahogany, mocha, chestnut, chocolate, and umber. So many to pick, how can smiling lizard not fall in love directly? I even throw in scratchy post for any furry clawed beast you may live with!

Do not heart attack over price yet. We shoot smelly liquid in tiny glass first, to make celebrate your fabulous new-to-you marmoleum flooring!

[Swordfish]

My favourite to be used at a bar or similar social situation:

"Grab your bag, love! You scored!"

One of my mate's personal variation on this one: "Get your coat love, I've got a knife"

Another friend says he will marry the girl who responds positively to "I'm TCP and you're IP, why don't you come to my place and inspect my packet."

[Mr Gale]

I predict the chap will die a bachelor.

[Twaddlefish]

From Sir E. Izzard of Becklsey-Upon-Sea:

"Hey....Sue.


...D'you like bread?


You've got....legs"