I hereby present, The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses, by myself, David Wong, and Owen Ball, a thoughtful guide to the most ass-kicking book ever written.

Digg it.

Today on Cracked we’ve reviewed the 10 creepiest Craiglist casual encounters, which is where many strangers post their requests for anonymous sex. Not that we’re here to judge; it’s kind of cool that there’s a public arena where a young man can stand up and shout into a crowd, “HI I AM 26 AND I NEED FIVE TO EIGHT WELL ENDOWED MALES BECAUSE I WANT TO WEAR A HAT MADE OF DICKS. Here’s my contact info.”

Digg it.

Meanwhile, my friend John sent me this link with the UC Berkely marching band acting out a huge game of Tetris:

I’m fascinated by that, huge numbers of people getting together to do amazing but useless shit. It reminds me of this famous photo, of 18,000 soldiers standing out in the desert to form a Statue of Liberty:

That was part of a promo they were doing back during World War I to sell war bonds. The thing is, you see it and say, “Well, how hard is that? You scratch out a huge statue in the dirt with your shoe, then have everybody stand on it.”

The problem is they didn’t have arial photography back then, so they had to take a picture from a fairly short tower nearby. That means the perspective is skewed, so to make it look right they had to distort the whole image so that when viewed from that angle it would still be in proportion. So, if you could see a top-down view, the torch would be enormous and the feet would be tiny (there are 18,000 men in the formation–and 70% of them are standing in the torch and flame). It’s inspirational to see so many men coming together to create something in perfect unison like that, but the whole thing looks like an enormous pain in the ass.

If you’re following the my retarded horror novel John Dies at the End as it’s slowly released online, today is update day. If you don’t feel like waiting for months to find out how it ends, just buy the paperback.

This is a goofy little thing I wrote for today’s update (it’s a holiday in America, you see) inviting creative types under our umbrella. I thought you might like it.

You can digg it, I guess. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. Or the Americans at least.

My employer Cracked.com has set up its own little corner of Youtube so you can upload your wacky videos of you farting into the camera or whatever. If we like it, we’ll buy it from you and put it right on the front page. Click here and read the instructions thread to figure out how.

Speaking of videos, John sent me this link where a guy displays his inhuman beatbox skills, then we realized that same guy, Felix Zenger, is some kind of hacky sack legend as well.

When I watched that, the only thought that ran through my mind was what a living hell it would be to live with that guy, because he would be practicing that shit all the time. Just beatboxing with spittle flying everywhere and bouncing around that stupid ball thing 16 hours a day. 

Quick: which way is she spinning?

You can train your brain to see it either way (if you want to make her spin the opposite way, try focusing just on the bottom foot and concentrate).

I’m fascinated by the artist’s decision to render the woman’s nipples so carefully.