The gallery of hilarious band photos at Rock & Roll Confidential’s Hall of Douchebags is my favorite thing ever. This week. It’s not just snide captions under pictures of self-absorbed jackasses. I mean, it’s that, but it’s also a chronicle of many dozen creative types, having never met each other, each thinking they’re being edgy… and all coming up with the exact same freaking idea.

There’s a powerful lesson to be learned there, if we are wise enough to learn it.

So now you can browse through AOL users’ search terms for the last few months thanks to AOL accidentally releasing the data (the user ID’s aren’t displayed). If you don’t understand why this would be entertaining, take a look at this lady’s list of searches. Watch as, over the course of just 90 days, she goes from searching the subject of snoring husbands, to meeting people online, to extra-marital affairs to experimenting with lesbianism to “I love the taste of pussy.”

Here’s the link to hers and here’s everybody else’s. Remember, the user names and ID’s aren’t there. Thank Honest Abe from the PWoT forums for bringing this to our attention.

This has got to be one of the five most terrifying things I’ve seen in my life.

That’s Bart the General, an attempt at a Simpsons parody made, I suppose, by someone with a crippling mental illness. It’s not that it’s incompetent; I don’t find that much entertainment in pointing out bad attempts at it. There are just all these bizarre choices that no normal person would make, Homer scooting back and forth on the floor on his ass, his head in his hands, growling like a bear…

This clip was apparently discovered by Lowtax of Something Awful fame, as part of a ploy to elevate it into a Snakes On a Plane-style internet meme. If so, I gladly participate because I’ve had several readers say they’ve never been so horrified by something in their entire life, one of whom said he had spent time on the killing fields of Cambodia.

I laid back, naked, staring at the ceiling in exhaustion.

“That was incredible,” she said, wrapping the sheet around her.

“I’m glad you thought so, Charlize Theron. You can leave the money on the dresser.”

“Five thousand, right?” She said, pulling a wad of bills from her purse. Did acting pay that well?

“Same as last time.”

She unfolded a stack of bills and gave me a hungry look.

“Same time Monday?”

“I don’t know, Charlize.” I took a drag on my cigarette. “I’ll have to check my schedule.”

The door burst open. John flung himself into the room.

“Dave!” He turned. “Oh. I’m sorry, Charlize Theron. I didn’t realize you had an appointment.”

“She’s finished,” I said, nodding toward the money on the dresser. “You were just leaving, weren’t you Charlize?”

John thrust an object toward me. It was a paperback novel.

“Look at that.”

“What is it?”

His eyes blazed, like a magician ready to unveil a new trick to an audience while his eyes were on fire.

“You’ll see.”

He had a page marked with a folded slip of paper. I turned the paperback over in my hand. I looked at the cover…nothing remarkable. Then I opened to the page he had marked, and read a highlighted passage. I froze.

This… this can’t be real.

“This has our names in it, John.”

“That’s right.”

“But… the scene they’re depicting here in the book… this really happened. Only nobody else was present when this happened. No one could have known.”

“I know.”

“So what do you think it means?”

“I think it means we’re living a novel. This novel.”

I turned the book over in my hand and studied the cover:

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, by Ann Brashares. I glanced over at the chair at the foot of the bed. At my pants.

Charlize Theron began screaming.

Seanbaby has starting updating again. If you’re unfamiliar, that’s the site of comic genius Sean Riley, who used to update his site three times a week with these huge, dense, 2,000-word articles, each of which contained more comedy than entire seasons of some network TV comedy shows. These were not rambling entries about his pets and something funny he saw on the way to work. These were polished, formatted, precise pieces of comedy, turned out in volumes that boggle my mind. He was the most prolific comedy machine I had ever seen or heard tale of and as a result, his archives are so vast it’s difficult to know where to start.

I would recommend his Kick to the Groin comics, dialogue and story added to a horrifying women’s self-defense manual that was apparently based entirely on crushing the testicles anyone who stood in their way. His 20 Worst NES Games is probably the article I’ve seen linked the most often. But I’m telling you, if you’ve never seen it before you can spend weeks there.

Seanbaby.com became big right around the time I was starting this site (1999-2000) so he was always sort of an inspiration to me. He’s written for magazines and turned up on MTV and G4 specials about video games and has in general supported himself with his writing in a way that I’ve never been able to. So I’ve always hated him for that.

But in my calmer moments I remember that Seanbaby got huge in an era before videos and articles could go “viral” and collect half a million hits in two hours. You didn’t have that hyper-efficient network of blogs and link dumps that you have now. No, Seanbaby was just purely relentless about turning out gigantic volumes of entertainment and gathered his audience bit by bit, loyal fan by loyal fan. You came back because you were always rewarded for going there, you were always entertained, you were never bombarded with ads like the one above. I don’t know how he did it. And apparently he’s doing it again.

What does it take to make me laugh? This. Be sure to watch it all the way through. Again, somebody probably got fired over that and I hope they landed on their feet.